Overwhelmed and Losing All Coping Skills (Trigger Warning)

[Stormwolf]

Hey everyone. Life has been insane these past few months, to say the least. I started college again, trying to get my Vet Tech License. First semester started the beginning of May. I've been juggling that (3 classes- 6 credits, one class/2 credits away from full time) as well as working full time. Enough to be considerably busy, isn't it? In addition to the house my husband and I got back in March- lots things to do with it there. We still have a ton of boxes in the utility room to unpack. Also he and his parents are in the midst of starting a business in part of it(they will be living with us probably by the end of summer)- I'm too busy to be paying much attention to that, but its a lot of change.

Quite overwhelming, but at least all that's positive change, even if its rough. I could probably deal with everything better, except.. my father committed suicide back in April. Cue the beginning of a horrendous nightmare. That week was a blur of driving 1500 miles (round trip) with my  husband and service dog (just before Easter weekend was when he did it, so a plane ticket was almost $1K each, even with bereavement discount on it!) and trying to keep mom semi-sane, plan the memorial service, cremation, take care of the estate, call a million bill collectors to get them off moms back, try really hard not to fight with everyone about everything. And to make matters worse, I found out that my oldest sister was apparently addicted to pills. She didn't even jive with reality a lot of the time, unless it suited her. At the moment I'm not even talking to her, though she's pleading with me to. I might, just long enough to inform her that she is invited to the wedding (my husband and I got married in a private ceremony, but are planning the big wedding for this October- even more stress). But I don't need dealing with her right now.

I'm falling behind in classes because I can't concentrate on the coursework, I can't focus myself enough to do yoga, my poor husband keeps trying to help but there isn't anything he can really do. I've got some Xanax and some homeopathic stuff for depression/anxiety, but for the most part, medications don't work for me or have bad side effects, so its mostly out of the question. I'm too depressed to exercise much, which might help some, but I'm so tired all the time! Just switched to a new therapist, who I like more, but so far haven't worked with much yet. Not exactly sleeping well. And this weekend sucked, by the way. First Father's Day without my dad. I miss him so much... I think I've cried anywhere from twice a week to everyday since April. I'm just so overwhelmed right now. Even talking to friends is a chore instead of a pleasure now. Anything that requires any effort at all is an enormous task... I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Kizzie]

I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now Stormwolf    Feeling tired, emotional and overwhelmed in response to your father's suicide seems like a very normal reaction and would challenge anyone's coping skills.

Can you scale back in any way to give yourself some time and space to grieve? And can you see your new T more often while you're going through all of this? 

Self-care in situations like this is crucial for anyone, but for those of us with CPTSD it's particularly important as we often think ourselves last.