Andyman's journal/story/whatever/collection of random thoughts out of the ether.

[Sceal]

If it's okay, I would love to send you a very warm and supportive hug.
You are clearly struggling, with so much. With what you've been through, and what you are still going through.
I hope that step by step, you will find the good path to take.
My heart goes out to you. I've been thinking alot about you since I read your other thread the other day.

[sanmagic7]

if i might add a warning of sorts here, andy - when you toss that big plate, be ready to also feel confused and/or uneasy.  getting rid of such a load can leave us unsteady in the beginning until we get used to it.  i'm just speaking from experience. 

after moving here from mex., finally having competent medical care, being close to my d, and away from the misery i was feeling as a constant companion, it's taken months for me to make the adjustment.  everything is so different now, like jumping from a burning ship onto a life raft in the middle of the ocean.   i didn't quite know what to do with it, couldn't quite see land right away in order to feel steady.

it's better now, and i'm very glad to be here and not there anymore.  i'm not trying to be a downer, and maybe your experience will be completely different and all you will feel is free and alive, and i think that would be fabulous.   i certainly hope that's how it goes.  sincerely wishing you all the best with this, andy.   warm loving hug to you.

[DecimalRocket]

I agree with San here now that I think about it. When something good happens in life, it often becomes better, but it often allows for some additional problems you haven't seen before. And many people are anxious to fix the next big thing in their lives.

Whatever it is, I hope you can take time to slow down and celebrate whatever happens to you. CPTSD is a deeply terrible thing, but there's a potential for a greater capacity of gratitude for moving into a more secure life when compared to what happened in the past.

[Hope67]

Hi Andy,
Wishing you all the best for the remainder of 2017, and wishing you lots of good things for 2018 - those plates you've been carrying have been heavy, and like you said, some are larger than others - and like SanMagic said - it will potentially be de-stabilising as you adjust to whatever happens when you put down/toss/break some of them.  But like Ah said, we can help you - because we're here in this forum, and you can come and share the load with us - maybe you can paint a couple of plates in different colours - and have a fresh perspective.

Most of all, I hope you have some chance to relax - if that helps - and sending you a hug  - hope you are ok.

Wishing you the best for 2018. 

Hope 

[Andyman73]

Sceal, warm hugs are always welcome at any time. It's hard to try to process and work through things while still being abused. I think a lot of people don't get it, so they say things as if I wasn't  still being abused. Not any of you here, so much. On the other community, I get that a lot.  Can't practice much self care when you don't have the freedom to do so. 
Havin said all that, Sceal I really appreciate that you respect that I'm still being abused. But only for one more month.   

San, I do expect some negative effects, living with my younger brother and his family will make a big difference too. I am so looking forward to not being criticized for being alive.  Going to work will help with some of those day to day issues.   Warm loving   

DR,  I sure do plan to just rest and recuperate for a few months.  And I do expect other things to come to light once out frum under her thumb. 

Hope, thank you so much for your kind words. 

[sanmagic7]

i sincerely hope this month goes by quickly for you, andy, and you get out from under and finally have some space to breathe and begin your recovery in earnest instead of piecemeal, as is so often the case while still being abused.   looking forward to the day when you post here 'i'm out!'.  it will be a day to rejoice and begin grieving, both.  but, we'll be with you all the way.  warm, loving hug filled with strength and patience.

[Andyman73]

i sincerely hope this month goes by quickly for you, andy, and you get out from under and finally have some space to breathe and begin your recovery in earnest instead of piecemeal, as is so often the case while still being abused.   looking forward to the day when you post here 'i'm out!'.  it will be a day to rejoice and begin grieving, both.  but, we'll be with you all the way.  warm, loving hug filled with strength and patience.

Knowing you'll be with me, and the rest of you too, makes so much of a difference. I'm just a little worried about what may come out, once the daily abuse is gone.  Exit minus 28 days!!!

[sanmagic7]

with you all the way, andy.

i think, for one thing, it'll just feel weird to you not to have that abuse all the time.  it'll be a period of adjustment, but you're going into it with eyes wide open, and that will help you immensely.  plus, you're not alone.

28 days and counting!  you go, bro!  big warm loving hug to you.

[DecimalRocket]

Yes, yes. I'll be here too when I have the time and energy.

[Hope67]

The days are counting down Andy, and I hope that you're doing ok.  Thinking of you.
Hope 

[Sceal]

I'm with Hope, counting down the days and thinking of you.

[Andyman73]

San, just got a tiny bit of relief. Wife started her new job yesterday. While creating some new stresses, it means she won't be home for 6.5 hours during the days I'm off work. So...small blessings will feel really big! 
E-21 days and counting!

[Hope67]

Hi Andy,
Great that you experienced a tiny bit of relief - I hope you enjoy that time and space you'll have - 
Hope 

[DecimalRocket]

That's great to hear Andy. 

[sanmagic7]

so very glad to hear that, andy.  we're counting down with you.  pretty soon now - are you ready?  warm, loving hug to you, bro.