New Here . Confused , Massive Brain Fog

[Mia3]

For the first time ever I've been hit with cluster of symptoms that have floored me . I'm unable to work , feel anxious , constant brain buzz, crying , feel hyper vigilant  and want to avoid everyone and everything . I've been diagnosed with C -PTSD . Many traumas,  but ongoing current one of most concern is my current partners sociopathic ex who continues the search and destroy mission . She's now going after me professionally ( defaming me ) . My partner ( also a female ) just got out of hospital . I have been the strong one .  The ex has threatened lives , fabricated web of lies to take my partners kids away . Restraining orders don't stick and the court harrassment and sick behavior continues against both of us . I Can't cope with it or much anything else anymore . Pray this awfulness eases up soon .

[JamesG]

Hi  Mia, and welcome.

I'm afraid that this is a natural response by a decent person to a messed up person. Your responses are perfectly understandable, given that you are in the shock and awe phase of dealing with a crazed narcissist. First off, know that no one should have to deal with this kind of behaviour, and so no one is really equipped instinctively to respond in a calm way. The tactics used against you and the people on this forum (fine bunch, I may add) are totally reprehensible and petty. They work only because they shock.

It is not you

You feel it because you are a decent person, something they are driven to attack because they know you won't fight dirty in the same way. Stay calm. Hold the banner of decency high and repeat after me, "Observe, Don't absorb."

Really, you're ok, you are decent, and you are human. That is something that the abusive will never understand, though they look on with all the longing of a hyena watching humming birds. Decency is the thing. Whatever your traumas may have been, your moral compass is screaming at you for change - that is the sound of how you know the world should be. Greet each attack knowing that decency and humanity are an absolute, we all know it is right over wrong - even the narcissist knows that deep down. Stand your ground, reclaim the moral high ground even though the view is terrible.

[Andyman73]

Have you considered reporting them to the Police, and if so, pressing charges? Most will never stop without law enforcement intervention. The way you describe that lunatic, it sounds like law enforcement is the only thing that will stop them. 
Sitting here with you, supporting you, believing you...hearing you.
Safe  if okay.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Mia! Keep reading and posting, let us know how things are progressing. We care about you and your partner.