Feeling let down by an OB/GYN *triggers, plus embarrasing personal details*

[Frederica]

Just an angry ramble here, it felt pretty constructive.

When I was barely 16, I actually went to a OB/GYN perhaps 3-4 days after being r**ed. It was not technically the first time I had been r**ed, but it was the first time I had been r**ed in the... old fashioned way? (sorry, male anatomy words are hard for me). Everyone and their dog knew I had "sinned" because the amount of blood I lost was not concealable. I remember thinking I was unsure if I was going to bleed to death or not.

So anyway, after my mother had gotten over most of her anger she took me to the doctor - she almost drove the car off the road screaming at me and smacking the steering wheel on the way there, but once that was out of her system she settled down.

So I had an exam and the OB/GYN said I had a busted artery (that would explain the blood loss). The OB/GYN also expressed some dismay that I did not come in a day or two earlier when they could still have done stitches, because I could have used several. I was sent home with a prescription for vaginal dilators - and the idea that being completely trashed down there was normal and acceptable, and probably my fault if anything.

WHAT THE *. 

Aren't doctors mandatory reporters?! The age of consent is 18 in my state. Why couldn't she have asked me how old my "boyfriend" was? He could have gotten pinned with statutory right then and there before he had a chance to assault me a few hundred more times. I'm disappointed and upset, she was the first of many adults who could have protected me but weren't "curious" enough to help me. Am I crazy to think she should have done something?

...


So, after that, I remained in a near-constant state of being injured to varying degrees for four more years and thought it was normal and inevitable. I had frequent infections and constant pain. It actually took a couple of months after escaping my abuser to physically heal up and I still have visible scar tissue to this day.

I only put the pieces of this puzzle together after getting a real boyfriend. I remember showing up at his house with a bottle of lubricant, just praying I wouldn't get torn up "too badly". That stuff is still unused in a drawer somewhere. I got suspicious when we had sex once and it didn't hurt at all, and extremely suspicious after a few months of sexual activity with nothing more than the occasional instance of mutual minor chafing. Also suspicious was the complete lack of shame, terror, pressure, force and humiliation which I had been accustomed to.

One day I blurted out "You never r**ed me, not even once!" and he was like "Yeah no kidding, and I never will!" That was one of the first small acknowledgements in my mind that I had ever been r**ed, some of the suppressed memories coming back, just realizing the stark contrast with consensual sex. The phrase "you have to know dark to know light," comes to mind. I finally had some context and life experience to define what had happened to me. Now it's been about two and half years, still haven't been r**ed again, not even once - it's almost like not r***ing people is easy, and you have to be a horrible person to r*** someone. You don't just trip and accidentally r*** someone.
...

What events or experiences made you consciously acknowledge that you had been sexually abused? Did you realize before or after the abuse had ended?

[Lilfae]

I am at a loss for words for the lack of professionality of your ObGyn. She definitely should have talked to you about what has happened, and how this was not normal behavior at all. And suggest to bring the police into the matter. I am sorry to hear you go through this *. And it's good that you got to learn that not all sex is bad, but can also be good.

As for your questions, the first time it took me years. I don't remember the exact moment when I understood what had happened. The last time it happened it took roughly 3 months before I managed to listen to what my body was telling me. The mind might temporarily forget, but the body doesn't. The body has a memory all of it's own.

[Three Roses]

I was raped several times before I was an adult. It took me growing up, having kids of my own and learning what's normal for children and what's not to see my experiences for what they were.