New Here Was PTSD. CPTSD Fits Better. Possible Triggers.

[Fictionalizer]

I found this forum by way of Out of the Fog. I used to frequent there when I first figured out some things in my life. I've been on this healing journey since I was 25 years old. It was the first time I got triggered by where my childhood abuse happened. Yet I didn't know it at the time. It took until I reached 35 years old for the stopper to come out of drain and then everything fell apart. At the same time, I started to understand my messed up childhood.

My mother was a malignant narcissist and I was one of her scapegoats, mentally/emotionally abused. A brother two years younger than me was the other, physically abused. I didn't know until recently that my brother's abuse continued throughout his childhood like mine.

I lived with my parents, Nmother and OCPDstepdad. I had a psychopath/narcissist for a father who my mother was forced to send me to at my father's whim. He was a serial killer and forced me to watch and participate in his criminal acts. He also emotionally, physically, and sexually abused me. I witnessed two murders when I was three years old. That day my C-PTSD and poly-fragmented DID started.

Then I came home to my Nmother who assaulted me emotionally and never heard what I was trying to tell her about my father's crimes. In 2012 reported my father's criminal acts to the cold case division in the state where they occurred. This year I gave an update and a new detective was on the case. I told him about the four words I used to repeat to my Nmother when I was three years old. The guy told me they described what one would see and smell at a murder scene. It was one validation I needed to hear. I wasn't crazy.

I've come a long way on my journey and yet there's so much more which needs to be healed. That's why I joined this forum.

[Blueberry]

  Welcome here! That certainly sounds like CPTSD instead of just PTSD. It's good you got a validation from a detective, sorry you had to wait so long though.

I find this forum very supportive, I hope you do too.