Just another tragic adult who asked for help as a kid but never got it

[Nevish]

Hi,

I was born in a dysfunctional family. Lived in 3 different countries and up to 14-15 places because of my parents inestability. I suffered from neglect, physical, emotional and sexual abuse from them.

I was told by my psychiatrist I have what is known as complex ptsd and schizophrenia. I don't take meds for schizophrenia, only klonopin and gabapentin for sleep. Psychiatrist, psychologist, and similar professionals made everything worse when I was a kid by drugging me and diagnosing me a ton of stuff I didn't have because they didn't look at my environment, they even acused me of lying. I reported my parents as a minor but wasn't believed. I asked for help in every school I was but nobody did anyhing... everybody, the system, failed me.

I left my parents house when I became 18, entered college and live by my own. I am really poor, but I have somewhere to sleep and food to eat. I study pharmacy at college, I am in my second year, what moves me is how much I hate biologist psychiatry which blamed me and told me I was insane while it was my parents abusing me.

Right now I deal with lonliness, I never could make any friend from changing school, city and even country too frequently... and here I am alone. I deal with lack of meaning in my life... propose, and reward... I don't feel the reward from my efforts...

I am 20 years old. Love rpg videogames, love pharmacology, vegetables, reading poetry, philosophy and learning languages. I am a fighter, who survived, and have achieved a lot with nobody helping me.

Now I have a therapist who is also my psychiatrist as a guide... but I don't know how to ask him, how to tell him how lost I feel, any input of how desclosing feeling lost and confused and wanting to know what or how much doing would be appreciated... also, I don't know if I am doing things right in life, or what that even mean,

[Elphanigh]

Nevish you have come to the right place if you are looking for people to help support and guide you. If you are a hug kind if person I am sending many your way . If you are not I am right there with you. It sounds like you are doing the best you can and "doing things right". You got yourself out of a bad situation, have food, a roof over your head, and are moving on with your life. That takes courage and bravery, and I am proud of you for that.

As far as disclosing to your therapist how you feel, that can take time. You can tell him as much as you are ready to, you never have to say any more. I know if he is any good he will respect that and also be able to sense your boundaries. It helps me to remember that my T has chosen to heal people for a living, and that they tend to have very good intentions and alot of love in their heart for people. It is easier to open up to them once you can grow to trust that they have your best interest. If you are nervous about it, maybe talk to your T about how you might get over that hurdle.

I am so glad you found this page, and hope it brings you help. I am also very new to here but just in the last few days I have felt nothing but kindness from everyone here.

[Nevish]

Nevish you have come to the right place if you are looking for people to help support and guide you. If you are a hug kind if person I am sending many your way . If you are not I am right there with you. It sounds like you are doing the best you can and "doing things right". You got yourself out of a bad situation, have food, a roof over your head, and are moving on with your life. That takes courage and bravery, and I am proud of you for that.

As far as disclosing to your therapist how you feel, that can take time. You can tell him as much as you are ready to, you never have to say any more. I know if he is any good he will respect that and also be able to sense your boundaries. It helps me to remember that my T has chosen to heal people for a living, and that they tend to have very good intentions and alot of love in their heart for people. It is easier to open up to them once you can grow to trust that they have your best interest. If you are nervous about it, maybe talk to your T about how you might get over that hurdle.

I am so glad you found this page, and hope it brings you help. I am also very new to here but just in the last few days I have felt nothing but kindness from everyone here.

Thank you really much, your words are so kind...

I  hope I can help people too, normally I am not good at it since it seems if I am not having flashbacks I am psychotic...

[Elphanigh]

Just sharing your process with all of us will help someone, even if you don't reach out to directly help others. Reading other people's stories and being able to help them is a piece in the healing process as well. 

[Kizzie]

A big and very warm welcome to you Nevish      Complex PTSD can be a very isolating disorder so you are definitely not alone in feeling alone.  You can talk about that to your heart's content and about any of your feelings here because we all get it and try to help one another.  It may only be to offer a cyber hug or to listen (or in this case read) and bear witness to what you have gone through and struggle with in your daily life, but a lot of us find that really helps.

Glad you found your way here 

[Blueberry]

Welcome Nevish! Lots of us on here are often or sometimes lonely in our real lives, so join the club. Coming on to OOTS and posting helps dispel the loneliness because there's almost always someone here who understands even at 3am.

I'm sure you will be able to help other people on here too. You've survived, you're a fighter and have achieved a lot with help from nobody. Wow!    to you. That's great! Every little thing or not so little thing we manage is an achievement. When you're ready, you'll help some other person on here; till then read around and post what you need to post for yourself.

[Nevish]

Thank you, I just don't know what to say, you all are being really kind, and I tend to avoid kidness because it makes me feel I was in a bad position and therefore vulnerable, but at the same time I like validation 

[Candid]

I am a fighter, who survived, and have achieved a lot with nobody helping me.

Now I have a therapist who is also my psychiatrist as a guide...

Great stuff, Nevish!  You're doing really well.

[Kizzie]

it's OK to want to smile and feel good about receiving some validation while at the same time being unsettled by it Nevish.  It's new and weird but wonderful at the same time and can take some time to get used to.  When I first started posting at OOTF our sister site I felt so incredibly vulnerable it was all I could do to go back,  but it got easier over time when I realized the kindness, support and validation were heartfelt and genuine, and that I deserved to allow that into my life.   You deserve it too, we all do 

[Fen Starshimmer]

Hello Nevish, welcome to OOTS. I am so glad you found us. 


We may not have all the answers, but there's loads of understanding and support here.
WOW! Look at all those interests: studying pharmacology, learning languages and philosophy. Fantastic!  Following your heart, doing what feels right for you... that's the right thing. 

[Nevish]

it's OK to want to smile and feel good about receiving some validation while at the same time being unsettled by it Nevish.  It's new and weird but wonderful at the same time and can take some time to get used to.  When I first started posting at OOTF our sister site I felt so incredibly vulnerable it was all I could do to go back,  but it got easier over time when I realized the kindness, support and validation were heartfelt and genuine, and that I deserved to allow that into my life.   You deserve it too, we all do 

Thank you for... I don't know how to say it. I always feel I am faking CPTSD so validation can hurt, but what you said make me feel, calmer?

Hello Nevish, welcome to OOTS. I am so glad you found us. 


We may not have all the answers, but there's loads of understanding and support here.
WOW! Look at all those interests: studying pharmacology, learning languages and philosophy. Fantastic!  Following your heart, doing what feels right for you... that's the right thing. 

Thank you, a year ago I didn't do basically anything, but now I have found feeding one's brain is helpful for anxiety, you see other realities that were different from the ones you lived, and seeing that difference makes me feel safer, not all the World is how I lived it the first years. I might open a topic about all the things I find helpful, with photos maybe...

I am a fighter, who survived, and have achieved a lot with nobody helping me.

Now I have a therapist who is also my psychiatrist as a guide...

Great stuff, Nevish!  You're doing really well.

Thank you, as I ofter feel I don't do enough it is enormously validating.
I keep passing examns and I have the final ones in 15days.

[Kizzie]

That's great to hear that you are passing exams Nevish, cheering you on     Just remember to take breaks and do some positive things for yourself in addition to studying