Hey! Glad to find this site.

[FreeFalcon]

Thought it was about time to introduce myself. I recently got into therapy, I have had CBT therapy multiple times for my "anxiety" and it never seemed to work and if anything seemed to make me worse. I got myself into a loving healthy relationship a few years back and had a supportive person In my life for the first time. Should of been a beautiful healthy thing and In some ways it was and still is, but it started to show that I have serious issues over certain things like affection, becoming utterly despondent from what we thought was just severe depression at the time.

I have little faith In the mental health system here In the UK, but I hated how my issues were affecting my partner and tried to get myself into therapy again, I won't go into too many details on the battle that was because I imagine that may be a point of frustration for others here. They tried to push CBT on me again, thankfully I was able to be assertive that day and refused and got myself into talking therapy.

I'm so thankful that happened, I ended up with a very insightful and clued up therapist who got to the true underlying issues. Turns out my childhood was abusive In many ways, I had always knew I had a tough childhood, but blamed it more on poverty, I don't know why but I never considered I had been through abuse and have been in denial for so long. It's been so hard working past my denial, hard reliving certain things and dealing with this new reality. My therapist was very reluctant to diagnose but I really pushed the issue because my whole life revolves around these issues and sadly to my doctors I have always just been an anxious person and it was all In my head and got dismissed or got told I "just needed to get out more". Turns out I have all the hallmarks of CPTSD. With that information, I have made more progress In the past 7 months than Ive made In multiple years trying to beast my so called anxiety, I feel I can finally take responsibility and beat this stuff or at least heal now I know what I'm dealing with

I'm doing Inner child work now, and writing letters to my younger self and other people who have played parts in various things, and some on the stuff on here has really helped when I hit brick walls.

So yeah all that being said I look forward to getting to know some of you!

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, FreeFalcon! Thanks for joining and adding your voice to ours

I look forward to hearing more from you!

[sanmagic7]

hey, freefalcon, glad you're here.  and so very glad you found a therapist who is helping you go where you need to go to dig out the underlying stuff.  believe it or not, just being impoverished is traumatizing as well as any words and/or behaviors laid on you. 

so, welcome aboard.  here's to healing!

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, I'm from the uk too, also doing the inner child work it's so hard isn't it,think I'm just starting to understand it and not feel so stupid about it now! Writing has been my way of coping and I do it every day which I believe helps me work my problems out. I've also brought every book there is going on cptsd which I have found really helpful too.

[Butterfly66]

Hello and welcome

I'm from the UK too, I too do lots of writing not inner child work specifically, just writing about what's going on inside my head and my body and then sometimes drawing with felt tip pens.

[Fen Starshimmer]

Hi FreeFalcon,

Welcome to OOTS, glad to see you here. 

I'm from the UK too and had similar experiences with the mental health system. Diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and told I needed to relax, pop a few pills that they wanted to give me. Eventually I was offered a short CBT course which I knew was unsuitable, as I'd been recommended a book about it by someone else and after reading, felt it was not appropriate. PTSD or CPTSD wasn't even in the vocabulary used by these health practitioners.

What a breath of fresh it must be for you to have found someone you can discuss these important issues with! Well done for persisting  It really does help knowing what you are dealing with, having a name to work with 

Fen

[FreeFalcon]

Thanks everyone, I look forward to getting know all of you more too, all the replies made me feel very welcome.

believe it or not, just being impoverished is traumatizing as well as any words and/or behaviors laid on you. 

It's weird to think a year ago it's something I would of defended, I can well believe it though, it's another unfairness some of us have thrust upon us. Here's to healing too.

Eyessobluelue and Butterfly, sounds like you have both found ways to express yourselves. I'm finding it hard, my therapist has me writing a lot of letters but I seem to end up triggering myself more than anything recently I think because I try and push myself too fast, but I have also felt cleansed a couple of times after getting stuff into writing so I'm sure I'm on the right track. I felt stupid too, still do sometimes, I can hear my inner critic being all jaded and mocking how childish some things therapy has me doing are, like connecting with the child part of myself is still inherently bad 

Felt tips sound like an awesome idea, I have so much art stuff but I get too perfectionist at the moment, I have however felt really relaxed and almost got a glow like feeling from allowing myself to be a big kid and watching things like Ninja Turtle cartoons  I'm not sure it was an inner child moment, but I do hope it's teaching me it's okay to take pleasure In these things still.

On books I have found CPTSD surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker invaluable.

Fen, I'm sorry you share similar experiences and I do think this system has a lot of catching up to do at times. It was/is such a breath of fresh air though finally being able to slot some pieces of a puzzle together so I'm just grateful for that. My therapist seems to dislike labels but for me it's been such a brilliant point of reference for days I get a little lost, I can finally understand why and find ways to help myself.

Thank you everyone for the welcome and sharing your experiences too!

[prairiewind]

Welcome FreeFalcon! Thx for sharing.