Home is where the EF is

[TwinCinema]

(This one is kinda similar to mourningdove's "trapped in my hometown" thread but I was worried about hijacking that one, so I'll post my specific dilemma here.)
TW: mention of emotional abuse, economic issues

I feel like I've been in one long, nauseating EF since I've been back in my family's house.
Lemme briefly explain how I got here.
This past summer, I moved in with my favorite uncle in Austin.
It was a rad experience - I got my first paying job, dove headfirst into the stand-up comedy scene I'd wanted to join for years, and rekindled friendships with folks who go to UT.
The perfect steppingstone to the adulthood I've longed for since I was a friendless, traumatized ten year old.

It was initially planned that I would have my own room in return for my rent, but my uncle ended up getting another tenant without letting us know.
Because of this, he decided my staying here would be a much shorter-term deal than initially planned.
He ended up giving me a stern ultimatum to find a Craigslist listing or go back home.
Dude's a supremely chill bohemian, but this time he yelled at me and called me a name I won't say here.
I was absolutely demoralized; not seeing a possible way out of this since my job stopped giving me hours, I moved back home mid-September.
On my 20th birthday of all days.
Adding insult to injury, my grandma moved in with my family while I was away, so now I don't even have a room to myself anymore.
I spend my nights tossing and turning on the living room couch, any last shred of privacy or autonomy stripped away.

I feel as trapped, powerless, and isolated as I did when I was a kid.
Away from home for the first time, I had distance from my situation and validated my feelings of abandonment and emotional abuse.
All my newfound insight evaporates when I'm around my Dad raising his voice, or my autistic brother running our family ragged.
Dad's reined in his abusive tendencies some over the past few years, but just being around him makes me tense up in remembrance.
He still doesn't acknowledge the effect he's had on me, which makes me worry that I've made the whole thing up because I want an excuse for being a screw-up.
I don't have the energy to plan my next step, fulfill obligations, maintain hygiene & grooming,  or even do what I love like stand-up or watching Simpsons episodes.
Only in the past week have I been pushing myself out the house, to go on dates.

My parents (and my psychiatrist) are glad I'm back, but they don't fully understand how discouraging and upsetting this situation is for me.

[mourningdove]

Hey TwinCinema, so sorry that you are in a similar situation.

i also relate to extended family members making housing-related promises and not keeping them. It has happened to me many many times, so I know how painful it is.

any last shred of privacy or autonomy stripped away.

It's horrible, I know. I'm glad that you've been able to go out sometimes. I hope you can find some worthwhile things to do outside the house, so that you can keep your morale up until you find a way out.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, TwinCinema!

I'm sorry to hear about the tense, uncomfortable situation you're in. It is really difficult to move back in with parents after you've had a taste of freedom. Even harder when your parents don't, won't, or can't acknowledge the dysfunction they were (or are) stuck in.

I just commented in another thread that statistically we are more likely to understate the abuse we've suffered than to overstate it. I doubt you are making anything up.

If your parents can't acknowledge the truth, we can. We will stand with you as you make your way through this.

Thanks for joining! Glad to have you aboard.