ET, alone etc.

[radical]

I wish I could have reached out when this storm I'm experiencing was at its peak, like I recommend other people do.  I don't even know what i fear about doing so.  I wasn't allowed to express distress when I was a child.  My mother told me I could be arrested for crying.  I imagined that hideous scene in 'toad from toad hall' and being alone in a dungeon with a ball and chain.  I always hated that book.

I guess right now I'm in the eye or something.  I feel without hope, but resigned.

I decided amidst it all to withdraw from diazepam.  It might seem like an odd time to do that, but I don't feel anxious, just wishing I could reach the tears that seem to stay at the back of my eyes, and a kind of numb despair, which is a lot more comfortable and manageable than how I was feeling a couple of days ago.

[Three Roses]

You're not alone, we're here with you if it weren't so hard to write, I'd day more. Take care, we'll get thru.

[Jdog]

Hang in there!  You are certainly not alone and many of us are here, supporting you.  And I send wishes for a good cry and some relief from your dispair.  May you feel reunited with your true self (which for me is the cure for loneliness and dispair).

[mourningdove]

I'm here, too, radical. 

That's awful what your mother told you about crying. It's so sad to picture a child fearfully imagining toad in the dungeon.

Since you mentioned tapering from diazepam, I thought I would share this link that I wish I had been given a long time ago, before I had terrible experiences with drug withdrawal. http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/803-dr-peter-breggins-10-taper-method/

[sanmagic7]

o, radical, right here with you.  wish i could do more.  be careful with the weaning process - it must be done slowly to give your body and brain time  to adjust.  in the meantime, i'm in that weird place with you - maybe not exactly the same, but i know it's weird, and not wonderful.  we'll get thru this.  one step after another.  hug and more to you - only the best.

[Dee]

Hang in there, we all care very much.  I'm here to listen anytime.

[Wife#2]

Radical, I'm a great one for understanding that I give GREAT advice, I just don't take it very well.

Please do be kind to yourself through all this. We care and we are here and we will stay here until you are able to talk with us again.

[Kizzie]

Here too Radical and sending hugs and support to you and everyone who is having a tough time right now