Cancelling gym membership - aggressive music caused terror, panic (trigger)

[Fen Starshimmer]

REVELATIONS AFTER A SESSION WITH MY T

I wondered whether anyone else has been affected by loud, negative, music in gyms? Here's what happened to me last week.

On leaving the gym Monday evening, I felt spacey and light headed, trembling inside, heart racing, dreading reaching my flat – reliving that trapped, claustrophobic feeling. I gathered my coat around me and huddled on a low wall under the boughs of a cedar tree on my route home, sheltered from the drizzling rain as dusk fell, drawn to the conifer's gentle, grounding energies and woody scent. I choked back tears hoping passers by wouldn't see me, until I summoned up the courage to take the last few steps home. Once there, I swallowed drops of Ignatia (a homeopathic remedy) in water and inhaled calming incense while gazing into a candle flame to reduce the terror in my body. Thankfully, it reduced the terror in my body, but I woke up the next morning feeling tense and shaky. For the rest of the week, I took large quantities of Ignatia to get through the day until I saw my T.

I'm used to battling my way through hours of ugly vibrations in nearly every gym I've joined, but last week the body blows reached a knife edge intensity. My problem has always been that I like/need high intensity spin and weights classes - it discharges excess energy/adrenalin, relaxes my body, lifts my mood - but it's these very classes that produce the most aggressive, repetitive, explosive music selections on earth. War zone body bashing compilations: beats for bullets, rap for ripping and grinding down your soul. The toughest part of these classes has always been sustaining the attack, rather than keeping pace.

The subject came up when I saw my T on Thursday, who I will refer to as S. She said:

"Aggressive music puts you in a trance state, The wording drops into your sub-conscious. That's the trigger. Music can be harmful. And in the gym, there are other energies besides this: the ethos, other people, the building...Getting outside is much healthier; not mixing with other people, other energies. You need to listen to your body's messages. Because you're so sensitive, you need to check out gyms carefully before you join them. You don't want anywhere that's fear-based. Find a new gym or sports centre and make sure you feel good in it before you join."

It hadn't occurred to me that the battering impact of gym music could have lasting effects on my health, not just physically but on a deeper, sub-conscious level. I thought you just had to be strong, toughen up, and block out the hateful rhythms and rhymes. Surely, that's what everyone else does? How could music possibly harm you after a class?

"The sub-conscious picks everything up," went on S as I faced her, bewildered. "The music creates post-hypnotic suggestions."

I need to remember that being sensitive is a blessing not a curse, and stop fighting it.

Tests* showed I was ringing with the resonance of terror – due to my gym classes. Going against my instincts, pushing myself through uncomfortable classes had set me back; I'd taken a big step back in my healing. The music had set it off. Another underlying reason for the imbalance was a resonance of self-abuse. There was a physical trauma about my body being emotionally stressed. When your body is severely emotionally stressed, it sometimes feels like it's been punched or hit, explained S. Amazingly, it was the gym music at the root of this. 

S cleared these trapped energies affecting my adrenals with her magnet. There was also a trapped emotion of shock imbalancing the hypothalamus part of my brain, which S released.

Fast forward to yesterday: I went for a glorious run in the park, and have cancelled all my gym classes for next week. I am cancelling my membership and looking at alternatives.

*TESTS:  For anyone who is curious how my T diagnosed the trapped terror, shock and self-abuse emotions, modalities she uses are called The Emotion Code and Body Code, created by Dr Bradley Nelson. There are others too. But these are the ones I am familiar with.

I have to say, since Thursday's session with my T, I feel a different person. Terror and shock feelings are gone and no need to take Ignatia or anything else. 

Fen

[Three Roses]

Thank you for posting this, Fen! It's really fascinating, I'd not heard of music affecting people like this before. I like the work your T did with magnets, this is discussed a bit in Dr van Der Kolk's book on the brain. Really interesting, thanks again!

[Fen Starshimmer]

Thanks for reading Three Roses. Good to hear that Dr Van Der Kolk is also discussing the use of magnets... I think it's a wonderful discovery, wish more people could benefit from it. This modality has helped me so much. 

[woodsgnome]

Fen Starshimmer, the incident you describe is sadly a reminder of how sinister even the most innocent-seeming (to others) atmospherics can affect people with cptsd. Canned music and other sounds/vibes in general is hard to avoid, and often there is no choice on the part of the listener. Adding insult to injury, a fair number of us are already hyper-vigilant and sensitive to our 'soundscapes' as a result of what we've survived.

Not that we need to shrink in fear of what lurks out there, but becoming more aware of our trigger points seems prudent to help us avoid some of the pitfalls of 'just being human'. Just in a general sense, the use of presenting life as needing a soundtrack and inflicting it on others is disrespectful to many more than only cptsd people as well.

Double kudos  to your t and yourself for seeing into what really happened. Thanks especially for taking the vulnerable stance of sharing this here; and congrats    for finding at least one alternative so far--may you find some more as well.

Thanks   

[Fen Starshimmer]

Hi Woodsgnome, thanks for your thoughts on my post. I feel encouraged by your words, especially as this is really the beginning of me "coming out," as it were, with my CPTSD.  I have been a closet survivor for many years - ever since I recognised the symptoms in myself about 11 years ago, but a compulsive writer about my experiences in the safe haven of my journals.

Fen Starshimmer, the incident you describe is sadly a reminder of how sinister even the most innocent-seeming (to others) atmospherics can affect people with cptsd. Canned music and other sounds/vibes in general is hard to avoid, and often there is no choice on the part of the listener. Adding insult to injury, a fair number of us are already hyper-vigilant and sensitive to our 'soundscapes' as a result of what we've survived.

You are absolutely right about the "most innocent-seeming (to others) atmospherics affecting people". I have read a little about the dark, occult (some say Satanic) influences in pop music today, and it's truly horrific. People have no idea what they are being exposed to and how it might be affecting their minds. There should be notices in public places exhibiting such music, saying "enter at your own risk" or "may not be suitable for people of a sensitive disposition" - in the same way that movies have ratings.

Not that we need to shrink in fear of what lurks out there, but becoming more aware of our trigger points seems prudent to help us avoid some of the pitfalls of 'just being human'. Just in a general sense, the use of presenting life as needing a soundtrack and inflicting it on others is disrespectful to many more than only cptsd people as well.

Totally agree. It's degrading to all humans. 

Double kudos  to your t and yourself for seeing into what really happened. Thanks especially for taking the vulnerable stance of sharing this here; and congrats    for finding at least one alternative so far--may you find some more as well.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have found my T, the first I have met with the ability to identify the source/cause of crisises and actually repair the damage on a physical, emotional and spiritual/energetic level.  Feel happier in myself now that I have a plan for a healthier lifestyle, and giving myself permission to take note of the messages my body sends me, welcome them instead of seeing them as a weakness.

Warm wishes 

[sanmagic7]

fen, what a wonderful recognition for you!  over the past little bit, i, too, have been learning that any signs my body gives me is something to reckon with.  when i was on hiatus from here, i tried some guided meditations on youtube.  one seemed to be fine, the other was at first, until the 3rd time i listened, when i noticed anxious feelings within me.  well, that's contrary to the main purpose of the meditation!  still, i decided that, if it doesn't fit for me, it doesn't fit.  i stopped it mid-flight, so to speak - it was a self-hypnosis thing, but i wasn't the least entranced!

i've come to believe that rather than being signs of weakness, these are signs of strength.  i've realized that my body communicates clearly to me, that what is says is valid, and that it's up to me to pay attention if i want to do what's best for both it and me. 

i agree completely with your therapist as well about how all this noise affects us at levels we may not be aware of.  maybe that's why i've always preferred the sounds of nature when by myself.  keep following your star - i truly believe it will lead you to where you need to be.  my thoughts and opinions.  thanks for your post.  it was reaffirming.

[Fen Starshimmer]

Thank you for reading my post Sanmagic, and your kind words... so glad it was reaffirming for you.

It comes as such a relief to accept feelings and not tolerate what doesn't feel good. Maybe we lost some of that trust in ourselves years ago, and now we have found it again. 

I'm a nature person too, a nature fairy. 

Fen

[Hazy111]

Another reason to leave, is gyms have a high %  of narcs!!    The mirrors!!!!!

[Fen Starshimmer]

Yes, Hazy111.... I think there are maybe more narcs in the mens' section, with all that muscle flexing going on.  Women seem to be more worried about being overweight.

Glad to have found a small gym nearby with no mirrors. You can't beat the great outdoors though