Supportive relationships

[Three Roses]

P. 80 in "CPTSD: From Surviving To Thriving" -

"Perhaps the greatest reward of improved emotional intelligence is seen in a greater capacity for deeper intimacy. Emotional intelligence is a foundational ingredient of relational intelligence - the type of intelligence that is also frequently diminished in the general populace.
   "As stated earlier, intimacy is greatly enhanced when two people dialogue about all aspects of their experience. This is especially true when they transcend taboos against emotional communication. Feelings of love, appreciation and gratitude are naturally enhanced when we reciprocally show our full selves - confident or afraid, loving or alienated, proud or embarrassed. What an incredible achievement it is when any two of us create such an authentic and supportive relationship!"

I expect from time to time that I will bother, anger, please, comfort, irritate, enlighten, or challenge each of you. I give my full permission now for each of you to respond to me, ask me for clarification, tell me I'm wrong, or challenge me in turn - in doing so we build our intimacy and capacity for mutual support.

We're all just people.

[sanmagic7]

ditto.

[tyy]

Man I agree there was a time when I didn't care about having loving relationships in my life but not so now.  I'm kinda in the middle of a breakup now with some one who can't or possibly is unable to have an open communication in the relationship and it is really painful and sad. I wrote about it in another place on the site but haven't heard back from anyone. It's so hard to build these relationship with people but it's even harder letting the ones that u have really tried at go. Ah I'm in pain right now really regretting putting my heart into this thing it was clumsy of me lol

[Riverlad]

Hello tyy,
Sorry for your pain and sadness. Not sure putting your heart into the relationship was a mistake or clumsy although after we do these things it sure feels like it. I'm just beginning to understand that my last (now ended) relationship started well because I did most of the listening and travelling. Sadly, when I needed support, "I was pouring my heart out". Can't speak for you though I know if I can't have open communication then I'm right back where I was as  a child. Unseen and unheard and I'm not going back there. You are entitled to be seen and heard.

[Cc]

I know in the past some of my toughest lessons have came from intimate relationships and whilst it was painful at the time when I recognised the lesson it helped... I know it still sucks though regardless of whether you know that relationship was right for you 😂 So much comfort to you in this time of sadness.

I could also relate to whats been said about improving our emotional intelligence and then wanting fullfilling connections.  For years and particularly those earliest stages of recovery  I couldnt have cared less about relationships with others, its only been very recently at a deep level that Ive admitted that quality social connections are important at all levels.

I think survivors/thrivers of c-ptsd/ other traumatic experiences are more determined to have all the healthy components in these connections. We know how important they are....

[sanmagic7]

as i've continued in recovery, i find that my expectations from relationships have changed.  i'm no longer willing to 'swallow' the abuse of others as just part of their personality or make excuses for them.  in fact, i'm now more able to recognize what abuse really is, and my truth voice is finally at the fore and allowing me to speak up for myself.  some of these have been relationships of over 20 yrs.

waste of time?  i don't think so.  i've learned, and continue to learn, from each and every one of them.  i take action against abuse much more quickly now and have the strength to finally stand up for myself.  each relationship along the way has taught me something that i've been able to put to use when dealing with the next one.  it's also helped me recognize within myself actions and reactions that have needed changing or eliminating.  just my experience.