Trying to get myself out there and ending up miserable

[Dee]

On Sunday I attended a wilderness conference.  This has been something my therapist and I have discussed for a long time about getting myself out there and maybe finding people with similar interest.  The day turned out to be a disaster.  First, we went as a group and when parking was difficult I joked about not having a handicap plate so we can park.  Then the coordinator said he felt that mentally ill people should have special parking, away from us.  I'm pretty sure I qualify as mentally ill.  He went on to talk about how mentally ill people use the system to get over.  Then I followed my meal plan for the day.  No less and no more.  Keeping on track has been a huge struggle lately as I am getting close to my goal weight and feel enormous.  Later when we went out for dinner he teased my about how much I eat.  Upset, I tried to defend myself, that it wasn't really that much.  Then he made fun of me defending myself.  He was teasing and is otherwise is a nice guy, poor sense of humor.

On the way home I was raging.  I had all these horrible plans about what I was going to do when I walked in the door.  I didn't follow thru because my sister called with a crisis involving her grandchildren and I ended up at her house.

How do you all deal with people who are ignorant and insensitive.  I was upset enough still today to ask my 19 year old something I have never asked before.  I asked her if she thought I was fat.  I know I don't see myself as other people do.  I have always been successful in not trying to put my body images on her and I failed miserably.

[Three Roses]

Dealing with ignorant people, I sometimes do well and other times I don't.

The days where I am ok after an encounter with one usually means I spent some time inwardly wondering if they were having an off day, or what they've experienced in their life; coupled with some mindfulness about my own imperfections.

Bad days - well, let's just say I've become adept at apologies.

Here's a link you may find helpful - "resiliency building skills to practice for trauma recovery" - http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=1825

Be gentle with you. <3

[Dutch Uncle]

I hope you don't mind me saying so, but what an  , this guy.
He's in a position of authority (being the coordinator and all) and that makes it all the worse. He is  probably not "otherwise is a nice guy", I have a hunch he usually picks on at least one of the group he's with.

On how to deal with it? First off I must say it's wonderful (of sorts) that you raged on the way home. Off course you were. Very healthy, even though rage is an unpleasant emotion. But there are times, such as this, that there's not much else you can do. The guy was deliberately pushing your buttons. First commenting on your eating, knowing you would probably defend yourself, and then attacking you on that. Premeditated, I'm sure. It's how these people operate.
The mere fact that he is calling you out on "being defensive" is such a low blow. You were standing up for yourself! Brava! Well done!

Congrats on getting close to your goal weight.  Don't let a deliberate jerk like him make you feel bad about your achievements.

I think you handled this better than you give yourself credit for.

[radical]

Yeah bullying.  There is at least one person like this in most organisations, unfortunately.  I suspect he picked on you because you were new and feeling vulnerable.  They have a radar for people who feel on the outside.  Trust your feelings here imo.  i know it will take courage to go back, but I hope you do and make it clear that you don't welcome his input or company, with curt politeness.

This is how it starts, accepting the little things.  And they get bigger over time once he's found out who will and won't protect their boundaries.  That's my expericence.  Don't trust people who hone in on vulnerability and "accidentally" hit you where it hurts.  He'll be back for more if you let him.