Gaslight

[Three Roses]

Gaslight
Heart pounding,
I want to shout out
NO!
and tell you you're wrong,
that's not how it is,
that's not how it was,
that's not how it went.
That's not how this goes, and
you're making things up. I should know — 
I was there. But now you mention it...
Maybe you have a point. Maybe I should
'interrogate my behaviour'
to see if
'I was unreasonable'.
Should I?
Maybe I should
'question my memory'
to see if
'I missed something'.
Should I?
Maybe I should
ask you what happened — you remember better than I.
You always do.
Why?
Maybe you see through me,
through to my core, understand
my motivation better than I.
YES!
That's it —
thank goodness I had you here to remind me
who I am and why I love you, though you
also remind me I 'don't even do that properly', but —
thank goodness you forgive me
these failings and all my faults, though you
tell me over and over, as if I'd forget myself
if you didn't remind me. But then —
where was I? Ah,
yes.
How lucky I am
to have been chosen by you,
when you could have your pick,
whereas I can only
drink my fill from the proffered cup,
bask briefly in your glow, and burn.
I'll enjoy it while it's still my turn,
or so everyone will see,
while I swallow down
the rising panic
each homecoming brings.
Act cool, be calm,
show no fear.
Pretend I'm glad to see you.
Pretend I want to be here.
But I do...
I know I do.
You told me so.

~Tamyka Bell

[Chartery]

Smiles here - yes, thanks for posting.  Bang on.

[Contessa]

 
Oh boy.
Thank you