To The People In My Life Who've Shown Me Kindness

[LanaBanana]

Having C-PTSD can get pretty dark at times, and the abuse, neglect, and abandonment we've suffered can take up a huge part of our lives. I wanted to write this to remind myself that there are still kind people out there. This is a letter to some of the people who've helped me and had a positive impact in my life.

• To my best friend,

You are gone now, but you will not be forgotten. Thank you for being there for me when I was trying to leave my broken home. Thank you for taking me in, that one night when I was 16 and had no place to go. I was soaking-wet, it was freezing rain outside, and you offered me a safe place to stay and some whiskey. Thank you for the endless talks we had, for listening to me rant about my pain, for the deep conversations about everything and nothing. Thank you for the laughs, for the silliness, the drunk fun we had playing Twister and signing karaoke. Thank you for the amazing times we had together, whether it was going on a cheap trip to New York or talking in bed until 2 am. We both ended up in abusive relationships, and we ended up parting ways over this, but you will always be a part of me. You were the only person in my life who saw me for who I really was and accepted me, and for that, I am truly grateful.

• To my Therapist,

I am so glad I have found a therapist who has been able to understand my situation and provide me with much needed help. You have been amazing to work with and have listened to my story with empathy and compassion. Thank you for validating my feelings and experiences, and for believing in me. Thank you for working with me on my recovery and trusting in my abilities. Thank you for providing me with all the tools necessary for my recovery. Thank you for being there for me in time of need. You may be on vacation right now, but knowing that you'll be back in a couple of months and available to start up therapy again with me is a huge help. Having a trusted person in time of need is an amazing gift, thank you for being there for me.

• To the guys in my MMA class,

You provided a safe environment for me when I didn't feel safe in my own body, and you were there for me during a really tough time in my life. I was overeating, oversleeping, having flashbacks and sleep paralysis nightmares, sobbing uncontrollably and dealing with anxiety and panic attacks, and having mind-numbing headaches and migraines and chest pains. But through all of that, going to this class every week always managed to make me feel a little better and put a smile on my face. To my teacher, thank you for believing in my abilities and providing alternative moves for me to practice when my light weight posed a clear disadvantage. It really built my confidence in my own skills. To my colleagues who have drilled and sparred with me, thank you for understanding my triggers and being patient with me when I had panic attacks. Thank you for asking me what I needed and for taking your time with me. Thank you for treating me as an equal even if I lacked experience. This class has made me feel like a human being again and has allowed me to be more in-touch with my body, and I look forward to it every week.

• Lastly, to the people on this forum,

I am so happy that I found this place. The support I am receiving has been overwhelmingly positive and I thank all of you for it. I have been reading some of the stories on here, and have been so touched by them. The pain, loneliness, and abuse that all of you have gone through is hard to read at times, but it resonates with me so much. It helps knowing that I am not alone for having gone through years of trauma and trying to recover from it. I think everyone on this forum is incredibly strong for having gone through this and trying to find ways to deal with it and break the cycle of abuse. Thank you for taking the time to read and answer these posts, for validating the feelings expressed here in writing, and for providing online resources and sharing healing tips. This is the first online forum I have ever joined, and I am so grateful to be here.

Thank you for reading! 

[Three Roses]

  that was beautiful! And thanks to you for being here, too.

[LanaBanana]

Thank you Three Roses! 

[Dutch Uncle]

What a great idea! 

[LanaBanana]

Thank you Dutch Uncle!