Trying to control that which I can't.....

[oreo]

There are 3 major life events that I recall so far starting at age 3, that I had no control over. As I am reflecting on the rest of my life I realize that I had significant control issues. In my professional life it served me well so reinforced the behaviours. Personally I was a mess even though I couldn't show it. I had to be the strong man that I thought everyone expected, I had to be flawless in whatever I did and if there was a risk I might fail, I just didn't do it. I must have missed out on so much.
I am in the midst of recovery and when things are going well, I can give up control but in a stressful situation, I do my best to try and control everything to get what I think I need. It never works.

I need to work on having more faith that things will work out. I need to work on letting go of the past and the resentment of things I could not control. Looking forward to moving forward.

Oreo..

[Jdog]

Oreo-

I am so sorry for the events that occurred in the past over which you had no control.  It seems you are now at a very introspective and healing point in your life, recognizing that trying to control everything else in life has been a problem.  Believe me, it is a step-by-step process learning to let go and trust that most things will turn out ok even if you are not holding the reins so tightly.  I recognize this trait in myself also, and even though my professional life rewards me for being in control it is not helpful in most respects otherwise. 

Best wishes as you continue to learn how to breathe a bit more freely, and thanks for joining our forum.

[oreo]

Thanks for the kind words. It truly is a daily challenge.  My insides have been in such turmoil for many years. As my T remarked,"no wonder you were so tired..."  She was bang on. It is an exhausting way to live so the solution is simple, one day at a time and praying for serenity and wisdom to know what I can't control or change.

[Jdog]

Absolutely.  You are not alone!