Dehumanized (Potential trigger? IDK)

[Errorzone]

I'm not really sure where I should begin. Judging from what I've read on the website, I'd like to think that this forum caters to what I'm looking for. But considering how a couple mental health "support" forums have proven to be disgustingly oppressive environments for me, I really don't know what to expect. Forgive me if this sounds nihilistic, however if we're going to be honest here I fully admit to being a nihilistic, hateful, despondent, misanthropic wreck of a human being, and not without good reason.

I guess I should start out by saying that I'm a 20 year old bisexual male living in the northeast United States. I suffer from Asperger syndrome and major clinical depression; I also strongly believe I suffer from complex PTSD, however my therapist hasn't given an official PTSD diagnosis yet. The latter two issues were formed due to me being constantly bullied and abused throughout my childhood; physically, verbally, and emotionally. On top of that, my traumatic experiences have been contested and outright mocked countless times, so I attribute the torturous state of affairs in my mind to that as well. These psychological issues have a huge impact on my daily life; they've negatively affected my academic standing, social life, functioning as an adult, and probably my physical health too. I feel like my mind holds my soul at gunpoint and forces it to watch all these terrible memories on repeat. It seems as if every next thought or word that comes out of someone else's mouth is a potential landmine, and I'm powerless in avoiding them.

I apologize if the last paragraph is long-winded, rambling, or unnecessary. I'm hoping that I can find solidarity, validation, or compassion on this forum, as these are three things that I rarely experience. I also would like to connect with individuals who've been in similar situations as myself. I hope I can share some of my experiences and insights with this board. And finally, I'm looking to be referred to resources that can help bring me peace of mind, whether they're social service agencies, group therapy meetings, or mentors that can teach me all the essential life skills that the rest of the population takes for granted.

Thank you for letting me subject you to this post, and I hope your day is going better than mine. If you have any questions to ask me, feel free to do so in this thread. Take it easy.

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi Vengeance Absolute 

Welcome to Out of the Storm. Quite a history you have had, and I'm glad you found us.

I'm not really sure where I should begin. Judging from what I've read on the website, I'd like to think that this forum caters to what I'm looking for. But considering how a couple mental health "support" forums have proven to be disgustingly oppressive environments for me, I really don't know what to expect. Forgive me if this sounds nihilistic, however if we're going to be honest here I fully admit to being a nihilistic, hateful, despondent, misanthropic wreck of a human being, and not without good reason.

Our Guidelines for All Members and Guests are here to ensure this a safe environment for you and it will give you an idea of the community we create with each other. We don't allow hateful, despondent and misanthropic posts or comments, and since you experienced yourself how hurtful they can be, I trust that here you will find no need nor wish to behave in similar fashion.

I'm hoping that I can find solidarity, validation, or compassion on this forum, as these are three things that I rarely experience. I also would like to connect with individuals who've been in similar situations as myself.

This is the aim of the site and the community, so you're most welcome. 


At OOTS, we welcome people who are dealing with cPTSD through a variety of life's events that befell us.
In the cPTSD Glossary you may find a lot that may resonate with your experiences. A few highlights to start your journey with:
On cPTSD
On Boundaries
One that has been of great value to me personally is: Learned Helplessness

I hope I can share some of my experiences and insights with this board. And finally, I'm looking to be referred to resources that can help bring me peace of mind, whether they're social service agencies, group therapy meetings, or mentors that can teach me all the essential life skills that the rest of the population takes for granted.

I hope and wish this place and community will give you comfort and be of aid on your journey through cPTSD. Sharing our experiences is a valuable tool in recovery. Since this is quite a global community, I'm afraid sources for Social Services and Group Therapy meetings are a bit out of our scope, but perhaps some posts, threads or boards will give you some direction on what to look for at least. Mentors we do not provide, none of us here are mental health care professionals. As peers we can share, but not so much guide. We are all in recovery, and at times may be overwhelmed by our own issues.
I do want to take the opportunity to point out the Off-Board Information/Relationships bit from our Guidelines. It's encouraged to keep these limited, both in number as well as frequency and content. After all, we are a varied group, and many different members may have insightful, useful and/or validating reflections or similar experiences, while not being acquainted with other situations.
Last but not least your experiences may help a great many others who do not post: we have a great number of non-signed up visitors, and a great many members who do not post, but read.

Welcome again,


Dutch Uncle.

[Danaus plexippus]

Dear Vengeance Absolute,

I hate it when my dehumanizers invalidate me and set up an outpost in my mind. Distracting ourselves from the internal tortures takes practice and discipline. I start by counting backwards from 100 by 7s as that's one of the things we are required to do when some mental hygiene worker is deciding whether we are "safe" to be released. I also practice spelling words forwards and backwards, another goofy thing that is supposed to prove you're not insane. Look around, make a mental note of how many things you can see that are green. Try to identify what ever smells you notice. Make a mental list of sounds you are hearing and if you can identify them or not. This practice can get us out of our head and help us be aware of our surroundings.

[Kizzie]

Hi and welcome to OOTS Vengeance     

These psychological issues have a huge impact on my daily life; they've negatively affected my academic standing, social life, functioning as an adult, and probably my physical health too.

You are in very good company here, we've all been through so much similar to you that no doubt you will feel like you've finally found a place where we all get it.  As Dutch has already pointed out, although many of us are angry and rightly so, we take pains to be respectful and considerate toward one another because we've all had far too much negativity thrown our way.  This is our chance to do things differently for our inner, core selves who need to receive and to reciprocate with positive support.   

I don't know if you've read Pete Walker's book (CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving) but if not you might want to as he talks a lot about angering and how to do so in a safe way, and then moving out of that through grieving for all that you have lost.  Processing the trauma in this way makes more room for the positive or healthy parts of us to begin to surface, for us to recover. His site is here if you want to see what his work is like - http://pete-walker.com/.

Glad you found your way here and I hope you find the information and support you are looking for