Insert Introduction Here

[Indirica]

Hello. Found this site through reddit and the horrifying subreddit /r/raisedbynarcissists that helped me put a name to some of the stuff I grew up experiencing. I have suffered for a very long time with what was identified some years ago as PTSD and am more recently dealing with some physical illnesses that have made it worse. I managed through a very challenging holiday season, yesterday being the final event that I hosted at my home, and I thought I'd made it through. Instead I had a full on panic attack around midnight when my kitten started rustling around in my bedroom. I always thought PTSD didn't really work for me as a diagnosis. It wasn't just one event unless you considered my entire childhood being one long event. Anyway. Hi. Looking forward to reading and learning and hopefully, finally, healing.

~Indi

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi Indirica 

Welcome to Out of the Storm.
Holiday season is a stressful affair for many. I'm sorry to hear you have been one of us in this respect. I can relate.

At OOTS, we welcome members who are dealing with CPTSD through a variety of life's events that befell us. And as you have said: it's not the one off event, or even multiple "one-off's", it's often the consistent multiple "same-off" events that has gotten us in this tough spot.

In the CPTSD Glossary you may find a lot that may resonate with your experiences. A few highlights to start your journey with:
On CPTSD
On Boundaries
One that has been of great value to me personally is: Learned Helplessness

And last but not least: Guidelines for All Members and Guests

Welcome again, I hope and wish this place and community will give you comfort. Reading up and sharing your story may be of aid on your journey through cPTSD.
Give it time, and I am looking forward to see you around.

Dutch Uncle.

[eva]

HI Indirica, I read your post a couple of days ago and kept thinking of that phrase, about your childhood being "one long event"
yes, I feel like that too. Like many who are newly realising the "C_PTSD" reality, I am having to re-evaluate a lot of things in that context (perhaps, perhaps, through this - I can be more forgiving of myself and my "screw-ups" ) and it brings up a lot of flooding painful memories.

I am trying to balance this by inviting myself to recall some of the happier moments: and there were - some. hopeful moments. even just being at the park playing on the swings or when a butterfly landed on my hand and I felt kind of magical or when I finally made a friend after a long time of loneliness - if I didn't hold on to those islands of hope, I would loose the plot utterly.
Hope you can find many such stepping stones and moments of peace and healing in your journey, here...

[Indirica]

Thanks so much for your kind responses, Uncle Dutch and Yvette!

I'm so glad to find folks still here after the holidays. 

Still looking for a therapist. Such a dearth!  But I have a recommendation from a friend who is dealing with similar issues and am hoping to get fit into her roster of clients. I've kind of been lurking here for the last couple of weeks and not posting much. What I've read has encouraged me though. Even though sometimes it's so hard to read. Similar experiences but some not and I'm very empathetic so a few times I just kind of sat here with a broken heart. That encouragement, the openness and willingness to share inspired me though and I've started blogging some of this.

Thank you for the positive thoughts, Yvette. Next time I go ruffling through the memories, I will try to find at least one that has good feelings attached to it.

~Indi