Emotional Flashbacks = Inner Critic = Emotional Flashbacks

[Green Tomatoes]

*Possible language/word triggers*

I seem to be in EFs all the time.   I'm exhausted.  There will be a trigger - a look, a comment, an action, news event, etc., and then the feelings come.  They overwhelm me. I realize my reactions/feelings are severe for the situation -  then the critic – "you are so defective, you are worthless, no one will ever love you, no one cares, you could disappear right now and no one would notice, etc."  These ruminations are hard to stop.  The words are things heard through my entire childhood. They have continued into my adult life.  One of the biggest and seems to be reinforced IRL is my ex-husband telling me "as soon as anyone gets to really know you, they will leave you" – (this seems to be my IC's favorite.) Right now I've been avoiding everywhere and everyone.   

How do I get out of these EFs and stop my IC from constantly jumping in?  Due to some recent conflicts I've been feeling really unsafe and fearful.  I'm trying to follow Pete Walker's 13 steps for managing EF but what about the experiences that keep happening today? Are they triggers (i.e., not being invited to something, having a flooding dissociative experience - and then being dumped, current day abandonment, etc.)? These things really happened, not just in childhood and it really hurts.

I joined this group a few weeks ago.  I am so afraid no one will respond to anything I might post, I'll do it wrong,....  IC says I don't deserve any support because I'm so damaged.  I'm overwhelmed where the right category is to post this. 

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi Green Tomatoes 

for reaching out when it's so hard for you to do, as you describe in your post.

I can relate to EF's messing up everything and then getting a kick in the back by the Inner Critic to boot. 
How to get them to stop? It's hard. I struggle with it. It does take an effort.

These ruminations are hard to stop.  The words are things heard through my entire childhood. They have continued into my adult life. 
[...]
These things really happened, not just in childhood and it really hurts.

This is the hard part: I, as you, have been subjected to these outside criticisms for so long, that it will take a while to train ourselves not to accept and believe them anymore.
First we have been trained to accept them (through others, like that * of an ex-husband of not-yours-anymore), and now we have to train ourselves to see it for the lies they were.
It's a job.

I joined this group a few weeks ago.  I am so afraid no one will respond to anything I might post, I'll do it wrong,....  IC says I don't deserve any support because I'm so damaged.  I'm overwhelmed where the right category is to post this.

Thanks for sharing your story.
You picked a fine place.

[arpy1]

hey, Green Tomatoes  yep it's horrible when you go through a time of constant flashbacks, and it's very hard to manage them when it's so full on - overwhelming is just what it is.  and of course IC loves to kick you when you're down.  i guess the whole thing about present day traumas is that the reason we find them so overwhelming too, is becos they 'key in' to the most damaged, painful parts of us; those parts in our psyche where we lack, through no fault of our own, healthy coping strategies. so in that sense, i think that they are indeed triggers.  no wonder we self isolate!

i guess, for me, having just over the last couple of days begun to emerge from a few weeks of EF's, the aim is to keep working on improving my skills, doing as much as i can manage of the Walker 13 steps thing (altho i can only manage a bit, not very practised yet). at least i know i am working on it, whatever the IC tries to say.  that helps me not to feel totally powerless in it all.

if it's any consolation, i get totally paranoid about posting too, i suspect most of us do... for the reasons you write and also i always think people just wish i would shut up... but we need each other, so please keep sharing. that's how we can support each other.