My Partner is Leaving for a Few Weeks

[KayFly]

Hey guys,

I need to post this thread now, because my partner leaves in 2 days, out of the country, for a work trip and will be gone just under 3 weeks. My partner and I have been together for 1 year which has provided the the safest, most supportive and secure environment I have ever had, which has allowed me to really feel my feelings for the first time in my life, and get through some trauma in therapy. 

Because of childhood neglect and abandonment, I have problems with feeling I will be abandon. This morning I thought about my partner leaving for a few weeks, I became so emotional and fearful, my whole body was taken over by just the thought.

Naturally, I love being alone. I write, write, write, play music, sleep lots (i've needed it lately), and I will do things that are good for me, like exercising and eating healthy. 

But sometimes, since just a year ago i estranged myself from my FOO, whenever my partner and I get into a fight, I feel like I have no where to turn, I get the same feelings. The same thing sometimes happens when my partner goes away. And last time it led to me lashing out in text messages (embarrassingly) toward my partner, because I couldn't handle small problems that arose, and which I don't want to do this time.

A week and a half after my partner leaves, I will be starting school which brings up some fears and past , because experiences from a  terrible last term. My partner was always the one who I could come home and cry to, and who would always be there for me. So I guess I am just a little afraid of that too.

I don't really have friends as I am new to my area, so I felt most safe and appropriate posting on here for any feedback.  I don't think that I will have too much of a problem, but in case I go into a crisis state or something, I need coping strategies, so I can feel best about myself, and act with integrity, but take care of myself. I'm reading through managing emotional flashbacks, making progress, in becoming aware of that. But sometimes, I do still find myself in a panic.

Has anyone else found coping strategies for when your partner is gone?  Can you relate to the feelings I have expressed or abandonment?  Is there something I am not identifying that you can see from what i wrote? I'm an open book...

Thank you for reading,

KayFly

[Vrizzy]

I have. When my boyfriend leaves to visit family he and I text when we can. Distracting yourself with things to do is also very helpful because it gets your mind off of it.

Do stuff you like to do. Have something that smells like your partner so that it can feel like they are still there when you go to sleep.

Watch Disney comedies or other funny things to keep you laughing because laughter is the best medicine! Keep a countdown to their return even if it sounds silly it can really help!

You've come this far and I'm so proud of you! Oh and bubble wrap helps too because it is fun to pop!

Go and see friends if you can because their support can really help too!

I hope this helps! I know how you feel because I doubt my boyfriend will stay with me even though he's never going to leave me. My mother questions my relationship with him because of this....

Anyways, when you feel like like that you are gonna lash out walk away from the phone. Go cool off and take a step back from things.

[Vrizzy]

Oh and some recommendations of funny movies to watch: Minons, the Emperor's New Groove, Grumpy Old Men, Grumpier Old Men, anything Garfield related, Gilligan's Island (TV show), Beverly Hillbillies (TV show), McHale's Navy (TV show), MST3K (tv show but there is a bit of inuendo and some very mild cussing both on rare ocassions), Evan Almighty, and there's more but I can't remember.

[KayFly]

Vrizzy,

Thank you. Distractions, doing things I like, and stepping away from the phone when angry, are great ideas. Although the smell of my partner works opposite for me.

Thank you for taking the time to recommend fun movies you like. I will likely read a lot, but a funny movie can be really nice if I'm in emotional crisis.

I'm not completely sure what you mean about the situation with your boyfriend.

"I doubt my boyfriend will stay with me even though he's never going to leave me. My mother questions my relationship with him because of this...."

I have no worries about my partner leaving. Just managing emotional crisis around abandonment that comes up.

Thanks again for your kind and spunky response.

K

[Vrizzy]

You're welcome!

Oh sorry what I meant was that I fear my boyfriend will leave me but deep down, I know he won't.

Reading is a ton of fun! Sometimes I reread books I've read that hold a special meaning to me like the Harry Potter Series. I'm sure everything will be fine and I know you're gonna be okay! You're really brave and strong and you can get through this!   

[KayFly]

Thanks Vrizzy,

You are super sweet!

I'm glad you feel secure in your relationship

My boyfriend has been gone a couple days now and honestly I have just been enjoying my alone time. I was worried before since I had been so depressed last time he left, but I guess this goes to show I am in a better place...

I mean I was still all over the floor crying and screaming yesterday, but not because he was gone, because I needed to.

I've really been enjoying getting outdoors and watching my favorite shows .  You made some great suggestions

I hope all is well.