Diagnosis - relief - overwhelm?

[Celia66]

Anyone else feel like this?
I'm so relieved to find out the name for what has been plaguing me all my life - CPTSD. But I"m also really excited because it's not a bunch of other things I used to think it was, including character flaws others used to think I had. People who judged me for being disorganized (I bet they had OCD anyway), people who didn't understand for whatever reason... and of course I've got anger. It's like I want to be vindicated all in one day. But of course I can't share the diagnosis with everyone -- probably should wait till I can tell my therapist first -- not too long, just several days.

My therapy people have always known I had PTSD from an abusive childhood. But they may not know that I fit all the symptoms for CPTSD.

I was diagnosed with bipolar many years ago (not by my current therapist, but by a psychiatrist). That's up for questioning (but I won't be changing meds without talking to the doc). I went thru a long test last year to see if I had ADD. I sometimes fear that I may have a personality disorder like my sister and possibly my mom. One of the things I can't help hoping is that I won't be as much in danger of being stigmatized: CPTSD is from something someone did to you, not from internal wiring (and I feel very sorry for people who have less-treatable illnesses -- I know firsthand how bad the stigma can be). I still expect criticism, and of course as someone with CPTSD I'm still going to be very sensitive to it.

at the moment I'm even more angry at people who called me names, like flighty, selfish, irresponsible, crazy, thoughtless, catty, hypochondriac (physical pain), lazy, disorganized (some people act like that's a cardinal sin), dumb blonde, "hogging the limelight" (when I was genuinely interested in something in class), you name it. (let's not forget "bad mom" and "childish")

Oh, and people who said "Isn't ADD just a lack of willpower?" I don't have ADD but it makes me furious. (I tried to send lots of info to teach that person about it, and I didn't get a good response -- they have CPTSD too but won't get therapy and always have to be right.) I know... I can't educate the whole world...

At the same time I do NOT want to be seen as a victim, and I don't want to portray myself as a victim. Sappy self-pity is the domain of my BPD sister and it's part of her manipulation tactics.

Does anyone have ideas or strategies that have worked when you're at this kind of watershed moment? Many thanks in advance! So happy to be here.

Take care all - C

[Butterfly]

Welcome and so glad to have you here. It's a journey and for me Pete Walkers website helped. I did wind up with the book and still using it for reference along with some other books. I too didn't want to be a victim but used my anger and energy to heal as quickly as possible.

[Trees]

Celia66, welcome to the site!  And welcome to the world of cptsd.  For me, being able to connect childhood treatment to adult conditions has been validating.  But  of course learning to cope with those conditions can be a long and complicated journey.  I consider my own cptsd to be a chronic condition, similar to diabetes type I in the the sense that it must be dealt with on a daily basis for the course of my life.

Coming to this site has helped reduce my sense of isolation.  We are all dealing with symptoms of cptsd and we can keep reminding each other and ourselves that we are worthy people who are dealing with the effects of long-term ill-treatment.  Being here has helped me hold my head up a bit more, to find dignity in my life and my daily efforts.

I hope when you read around this site that you will find reason for hope and for self-respect.  It is meant to be a safe place for all of us to deal with the cptsd and find a bit of peace.

Big hugs