Dissociation and seizures, connections?

[Dyess]

Could dissociation episodes be light seizures, non epileptic (Sp?)?

[Butterfly]

I'm not sure I follow, can you elaborate?

[Dyess]

I'll try to explain. When I have had dissociative events, some are mild, some are stronger and harder to come back from. Those harder ones leave me feeling in a fog for a while afterwards. I have seen people have seizures and after the seizure and they come back to the real world they are in some kind of daze or fog. I had seizures and convulsions when I was little, mom said I would go into this stare sometimes and that was it, or sometimes I went the whole jerking route. I don't know. Maybe I'm way off base here. Just thought maybe someone would know something about this. Does this make sense?

[woodsgnome]

I had similar experiences as a kid, short of the jerking sensation, but my memory is not sure on that score either. 

What I definitely recall is that the sensations produced what felt like an enormous pressure, like something was in my head that was so heavy...but light at the same time. I wasn't epileptic, and I didn't pass out, but definitely felt dazed, felt like maybe I would.

I've no idea why this may have happened, but I also feel maybe I'm too afraid to  even want to know. Just the memory causes me to freeze up and/or want to do something to avoid remembering any more than that.

Sorry, I don't think this probably helped; but I just wanted to share that yes, my kind of seizure feeling could have been what's labeled dissociative, I guess. Definitely felt bad, but oddly blank too. As an adult, it's never happened quite like that, but I often have what can only be called dissociative reactions to various trigges and EF's. 

[Dyess]

Thanks for the response. I guess maybe it could be a possibility.

[Brick]

Hello Trace,

I'm not qualified to say, and I don't know if this helps, but I can relate to something that woodsgnome expressed:

What I definitely recall is that the sensations produced what felt like an enormous pressure, like something was in my head that was so heavy...but light at the same time. I wasn't epileptic, and I didn't pass out, but definitely felt dazed, felt like maybe I would.

I experienced times of "zoning out" as a small child. I've never been told what my behavior was during those times, but I have memories from inside the event.

My body would feel immobilized (not restrained), as if I had hardened into a plastic army man. I would see only white brightness with edges, suggesting a massive form. It has a particular smell with it. The massive form (the size of a football stadium) would be consumed by me. I have a clear sensation memory of "taking in", kind of like eating. But it was all white, empty blankness.

The sensation would return in a mild, controllable form when I was a teenager. Sometimes under duress, and always in a seated position. It's vague, and I've not met anyone who has shed light on it. I considered it no more than an oddity, because it didn't hurt and wasn't unpleasant. By that time, if I wiggled a finger the spell would be broken. Today, if I sit still in perfect quiet, I can conjure a memory of how it made my arms feel, and a memory of the absorption of blankness directly into my chest.

I do not know if seizures are experienced this way. Might have been head trauma, and then the implicit memory rippling forward through life. I'm obviously intrigued by the subject.

[Dyess]

Not sure if that would be a seizure but I'm no pro at this either. I didn't remember anything prior to, or during the seizure, coming out of it was like coming out of a heavy heavy sleep. Usually I lost control of my bladder during this. Now this was the one I had on a mini bike and was tore all to pieces. It was the jerking and everything. I was going wide open on a minibike, on a gravel road, no helmet, no shoes, shorts and a t-shirt. Yes, the gravel ate me up. Now, the ones where I just stared I was so young maybe 2-3 I don't remember anything about them before or afterwards.
It is interesting to think about, no wonder it's COMPLEX PTSD

[Butterfly]

Thanks for elaborating Trace, that helps. Speaking from personal experience, I have had both physical seizures and trama disassociation and for me they were very different.

When I had physical seizures during an illness and I was very aware something was physically wrong and and a sense of impending physical trouble. I was very aware I was no longer in control of my physical body and yes once the seizure was over it was some time before my brain even wished to engage. I was more than content to lay there just staring into nothing and absolutely nothing going on in my brain.

When I experienced trauma related disassociation I was acutely aware of the trauma I was experiencing in that moment, had no way to physically remove myself from the situation, and most definitely did not want to be there. My brain chose to go elsewhere, as if my brain made a conscious choice to leave but my body had to stay. Afterward my brain chose to forget, the trauma was far too terrible to stay consciously aware, it got buried but manifested physical symptoms trying to escape. Being a child I created a fantasy worlds and lived there almost constantly because reality was too terrible. As I got older book became my escape, older still then work became my escape.

The glossary here defines disassociation as "one or more parts of the person’s psyche becomes fixated on avoiding and/or defending the self from the painful emotions of re-experiencing trauma (defense action systems), while other parts manage the tasks required of daily living (daily living action systems)."

For me this is how it was most of my adult life choosing not to remember the trauma of my childhood. More like abuse amnesia. Two years ago I also experienced this after uPDm episodes but that started to change into EF although I didn't know what they were at the time. It was like her episodes were forcing the memories out like a volcano. It erupted and I began my journey out of the FOG. The brain, body and emotions were coming together.

When I'm choose to spend time with uPDm I choose to emotionally disengage and that's very different for me than disassociation. My brain and body stay connected and I choose to not be emotionally affected by her drama, I confront her drama, and then choose to leave and take time out from her for as long as I need. I only choose to allow contact with her when I feel "whole" mentally, emotionally and physically and I leave feeling still whole, nothing is disconnected.

I'm not sure if any of this helps and it's far more than I thought I'd share but for what it's worth there it is.

[Dyess]

It's amazing the twists and turns our minds take us through, how symptoms and events seem to overlap sometimes. Maybe not perfectly but enough to make you wonder where all this is coming from and if there is a definite answer. I guess for now we will take each event at a time and work through it. Thanks for the feedback everyone.