New to the group

[christy83169]

My husband is a twice retired military officer.  For the past five years, I have been dealing with the after effects of his tour in Afghanistan.  The doctors all say it's PTSD with depression, anxiety, and paranoia.  But he won't ever go to a doctor long enough to get help.  He doesn't want to talk about it to anyone.  In order to deal with it, he drinks ... a lot.  I'm at my wits end and thinking seriously of leaving.  He doesn't eat enough to at the very least maintain his weight, won't go out except to get more alcohol, won't do anything around the house (except watch TV and sleep), etc. etc.  I can't tell you the last time I even got a kiss or hug much less anything more.  He was bad before he went over there, but that made it worse.  He never dealt with his dad dying, his first wife dying, his second wife divorcing him, his tours in Germany during the cold war, and on and on.  I've tried being there for him but it has gotten to the point that I can't and don't want to deal with it anymore.  I want to be with someone who loves me and cares for me and wants me in their life.  How do I get him back without losing myself in the process?

[christy83169]

The VA does have resources for him to use to deal with his problems ... he just doesn't want to go.  He's totally convinced himself that everyone is out to get him.  I had an appointment for him to go to a place where he could get help with the drinking and the PTSD but he refused to go.  Then he made his own appointment to go to a program - and canceled at the last minute.  Is this normal?  I know that it took a lot for me to go for help for depression several years ago.  He has so many people trying to help him and I can't get him to believe me.  He thinks that the only reason people are being nice is because they want him to die so they can get something of his.  Is it normal for people suffering from what I call the "hardcore PTSD" to have the level of anxiety and paranoia that he does?