Broken and lost

[Luxious]

My apologies for the lengthy post.
I am a 56 year old female with what I think is CPTSD. I developed this from repeated CSA.

I have struggled my entire life. Mental illness, anxiety, emotional instability, migraines, personal relationships, jobs, the list goes on. It never occurred to me that these things were all connected. I mean I knew I had suffered through CSA,but it didn't occur to me that my struggles in life were connected to the CSA.

Two months ago I came across an article on being stuck in survival mode. I was STUNNED. The list of symptoms was identical to what ive experienced my whole life.
I've been stuck in survival mode for over 40 years.
For me this life changing. I finally had a reason why ive struggled my whole life. You have no idea the impact that has had on me. Its been profound.

Being stuck in survival mode for this long has affected every part of my life. I have pushed all friends away years ago. I stopped working because I couldn't anymore about 5 years ago. I cant be around people because I dont have the mental or emotional energy. I dont leave the house except once a month. My world has become extremely small and lonely. 
I sought out counseling shortly after I read that article. Im still going and have no intent to stop. I need it desperately.
 
So I find myself here, looking for like minded individuals,  desperately seeking validation and hoping to help others along the way.
Thank you for listening.

[WhatsNext]

Hi Luxious.

This is a good place with good people.  There is lots of really good resources as well. 

All the best to you

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. I'm glad you found that article, glad you are having counselling and glad you found us. It took me until well into my midlife to realise what was going on with me and like you I found the revelation quite immense.

[Kizzie]

Hi Luxious and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm    Glad you found your way here 

I can imagine you were stunned to find out why you were struggling, most of us are when that moment of realization comes. It's good in a way to finally know what the reason is although it's also so daunting.

I hope you find that between therapy and being here that begins to fade and you are able to make your world bigger and less lonely.



Kizzie

[TheBigBlue]

Hi Luxious, and a very warm welcome to OOTS!

So much of what you wrote resonates with me. I was diagnosed with CPTSD at 56 last year, and I remember how profoundly it changed my understanding of a lifetime of struggles that had never seemed connected before.

That moment when things suddenly begin to make sense can be both incredibly validating and utterly overwhelming. And realizing just how much of our lives has been shaped by trauma can bring a lot of grief along with the understanding.

I'm so sorry that your world has become so small and lonely. I know how isolating CPTSD can be, especially when even being around other people takes more energy than we have.

I'm glad you have found your way into counseling and here to OOTS. I hope you find the validation and understanding you are looking for. You certainly don't have to apologize for the length of your post, or for needing to be heard.

Glad you're here!