Nervous system shift after.

[IslandDruid]

 I am sure that I am far from alone on untangling the chaos we are often trained to. Removing people, even family, if it is needed.
Seems removing my biggest manipulator, I had to run into 4 more...
Now, 3 months of having a sounding board, support, a friend... 3rd issue and they ran. I mean full ghost.
Now what I noticed was what caught me... my whole system relaxed. I thought I was relaxed. Wake up call! I am much more at ease now.

Learning to listen to our systems and feelings is one of the hardest parts. Spent so long excusing behaviours for others.

Any tips? I'm always open to ideas that may have helped. To survive, I became very analytical. Feelings are a new word. 42 F and I was trained to not feel... guess I share with so many men on that front and many of us ladies likely do.

Well thanks for letting me ramble. Some days, releasing is key. Growth moments are always fun and therapy is expensive 

[Hope67]

Hi IslandDruid,
I'm glad to hear you're feeling more at ease, and noticed that your whole system relaxed.  That's a big thing! 

I'm not very good at giving tips - I think it's tough to know in any particular situation and from time to time what can be helpful or not, but what I did want to say is that this place can be good for releasing as people here (in my experience) have been supportive and understanding. 

[Blueberry]

It's great to hear your system relaxed after that person ghosted you! Wow.

Sounds like you can maybe listen to your body well?

I'm not big on giving tips or hearing them tbh. We all have cptsd on here, but it's still a complex diagnosis with people reacting differently. Also in my experience when people are at different stages of healing, they may not have the ability to hear what I'm even saying. Or I don't! Sometimes things are just too early for me to take on board. Or sometimes they're wrong as well.

Over the years I've got a lot out of this forum by simply reading! That's where I've picked up tips and those aha moments. I know the forum is big and there's a lot to read and it may feel daunting but take your time.

It's also a good place to release, as Hope writes above. I find that cathartic here, and you'll get support in that from others reading your posts.

[NarcKiddo]

Being analytical could work in your favour where feelings are concerned. Once you have got more used to noticing them, which seems to be the case for you as you noticed your system relaxing, you can maybe try using your analytical powers. I find this helpful when I have an unpleasant feeling. My old way of dealing with one of those would be to do everything I could think of to get rid of it and to try to ignore it if I ran out of ideas for getting rid of it. Now if I notice an unpleasant feeling I try to think about it, what it is telling me, why it is here, what may have triggered it, what past experiences I am being reminded of. I find that being analytical can take the edge off the unpleasantness and I may learn some useful information while the feeling does whatever it is going to do and then goes away.

[Kizzie]

  What NK talks about and a lot of us here find works. That is, instead of trying to stuff the feelings that come up or dissociate, try to figure out why they popped up, what abuse/neglect they link back to, what they are trying to tell you (usually lots of negative things about yourself or that you shouldn't trust anyone), etc.  try to figure out whether they are relics of the past you can now say nope to, not true, I'm not going to listen to that voice.  Instead I'm going to try and replace those feelings with confidence, self-worth, trust, self-compassion, etc.

It's a process but over time it let's you release the old and learn new thoughts and feelings or so many of us have found. 

[Gently]

Hello Island Druid. Welcome.

I am way too good at giving tips. I am trying to learning to attune to the person instead of offering "all of the answers". This is a very kind and supportive place. I'm glad you've found it, too.

There is a tool that came to mind when I read Kizzie's post. I will add it here in case you find it useful. I hope that's okay.

I will say that I resonate so much with what you are describing and being very analytical (had to, best way to survive) and that feelings were not an option.

I had to go slow. My first therapist at the time asked me one question about a feeling and I was stumped. I had to teach myself to feel, so so slowly. So very slowly. And it needed to be slow, it would have been overwhelming otherwise.

Amazing that you felt your body relax, and then you knew you weren't relaxed before! Those moments are really profound.