Dissociative/personality disorders

[Ran]

I have dissociated since I was 5 years old and for many years.

I have guestioned my identity on and off and going on spiraling loop with this. I even lived socially 2 years as a male and tried to transition.

It all confused me so much.

I experienced these shifts that at first I didin't really notice, then I thought I might be genderfluid. I had so much conflict within between feminine and male identity.

Then I understood that whenever I concentrante on the fog in my mind, then it sends me spiraling with identity guestions.

Then I stopped trying to focus on the fog, what actually helped me a lot.

Now though I still experience these shifts, but I don't guestion it all.

It's because I have a male alter. He isn't the only one, but he is more present and fronts often, but his fronting also causes dysphoria like feelings and my personality changes too. He is a lot more reserved. In online I often change my profile to be male instead and such and sometimes this confuses people.

I believe it is OSDD1b, because I don't have amnesia, but I do have distinctive characters and I can't help the shifts.

I desperately guestioned it all trying to find definite answers. I even thought of possibly having OCD.

Together with sexuality guestioning it was a rollercoaster that overlapped with each other and untangling this all took a lot of work.

My brain also works differently due to autism.

I'm curious to know what others think of this.