Have you ever been accused of being a Narcissist?

[mrsafe]

Hello hope you all are either coping or better then coping.

This is my first post on here,

I was in a particularly difficult relationship a while ago, in which accused of being Narcissistic, I mean I've heard the term before plenty of times but given this list things we have all have to deal with on a daily basis I never really gave it much thought. So naturally I first looked up what this word actually means, having learned what it meant I didn't really think I was like that and so I did the obligatory asked what few friends have which was mostly met with laughter. Initially reassuring I still wondered what about my behaviour was leading this person to conclude this?

So I started researching and very quickly found out there are more than a dozen CTPSD end point behaviours that can be perceived as Narcissistic. I apologise if this old hat for folk but as newly diagnosed or relatively at least compared to my age, I found this new information quite profound when applying it to previous experiences, relationships and situations.

Shutting people out is just one example of 2 completely different mechanisms can result in the same perceived behaviour. One is controlling the other threat response.

I'm not going to list the others but maybe if you have the time, perhaps check it out for yourselves? You may be surprised and like me, it may help to you to understand how people may be perceiving you and how you can help them and yourselves to improve relationships.


Be safe

[Kizzie]

I see you have two other posts - did you mean your first post outside of introducing yourself perhaps?

WRT thinking we are narcissists, lots of members have asked this question over the years. I think it may be because we often feel guilty for thinking about ourselves, something we've mostly had to avoid in order to survive.

There are many differences between N and CPTSD, the main one is that N's have lost the ability and desire to self-reflect in an honest way. They are not likely to show up on a forum dedicated to doing just that. That said, we have had a few members who appeared to be  N's and were here to troll/stir things up but they either didn't stay long or were banned as they revealed themselves.

Shutting people out for an N is because they do not think much of people and if that person loses value they are discarded. In our case we are fearful and mistrustful and will sometimes shut people out because of that. So, it is the motive that differs. I'm not quite sure what you mean by controlling the other threat response but if it's to do with responding to a threat from someone, typically an N will attack whereas we will freeze, flee, fight or fawn. These behaviours may be difficult for others to understand unfortunately.

IMO we start to recover when we can see our behaviours and how they helped us to survive but also how they are received by others and hopefully shift away from doing those things toward newer healthier behaviours/responses.

Kizzie 

[NarcKiddo]

There are a few aspects, I think.

One is that, as Kizzie points out, our behaviour under threat can be misinterpreted. As she has said, it is also almost unheard of for a Narc to be self-reflective or be prepared to own any part of a misunderstanding or argument.

It is also worth remembering that Narcs are very apt to project - so if you are being accused by a Narc of being a Narc they may simply be projecting.

Finally, people who have been brought up in a narcissistic environment may well have picked up behaviour traits from their FOO. These are often described as 'fleas'. We may have unpleasant knee-jerk reactions to things simply because that is what we observed happening around us as children and that is how we were taught to behave. I remember reading a book by Christine Ann Lawson called 'The Borderline Mother' (I think). When I read about behaviour patterns in there I immediately diagnosed myself with a strong personality disorder and it took quite a while for my therapist and me to unpick that one - as my therapist pointed out, it is most unusual for people with a narcisisstic disorder to attend therapy and examine themselves.

[Kizzie]