Returning an item

[Alexandra]

Hello ; I bought something online, I was sent the wrong thing, I contacted the seller, and was issued a refund, so it turned out, however, I have major anxiety doing this, it feels forbidden , I am being noticed, I cry,I have bad memories ,I could never assert myself, if I did ,I was punished, so I still get afraid ,that something bad will happen. I was wondering if others have this issue. Thank you

[Baldorin]

Hello Alexandra, I am proud of you for returning the online purchase.  I can relate to feeling anxiety about it.  I am a 63 year old male, and I spend my entire life trying to please everyone and not "rocking the boat.  I get anxiety anytime there is any conflict.  And I revert back to a little scared kid.  My therapist has helped me to understand that this is a common trauma response for someone coming from a severe abuse background.  We practice grounding techniques, breathing, tapping, and noticing things in my room, so I can keep myself from disassociating. You are a human being with the same rights as everyone else.  Thanks for practicing that, and keep going. Even if it is hard to do sometimes.

[Alexandra]

Hello Baldorin ; Thank you ,for your encouraging words, I appreciate it. It feels good, to know that I am not alone , with dealing with the effects of the severe, abuse I went through Alexandra

[NarcKiddo]

I agree with Baldorin. Well done for returning the online purchase. I don't always have difficulty with this but it has been known that I keep something (if it was fairly cheap) rather than return it. I also find it quite hard if I get pushback. Like if I try to return something and they say OK with no trouble it is fine and does not bother me. But if they start questioning then I immediately get a very big fight response rather than try to understand why they might be questioning and if they have a reasonable point. For me that echoes what happened in FOO - I would take pretty much everything even into adulthood, but occasionally as an adult I would need to assert a boundary and then it was basically a war footing as far as I was concerned.