Progress on Remembering that I Deserve to Be Alive

[GettingThere]

Recently I've been feeling a lot safer in my body. I've been practicing taking cues on how safe I am by listening to how my body feels instead of only based on what I think might be scary or dangerous in the future. This has been working very well so far and I've honestly been surprised by how much progress I've made in only a few months of practicing this with daily intentional effort.

In spite of this good progress, something I still struggle with is understanding that I deserve to be alive, even when I make another person unhappy or someone else doesn't particularly like me (which happens often with autistic people like me). I have a list of things that I remind myself of that help: My friends care about me and want me to be in their lives, I have the same inherent value as any other person, I'm as worthy as a plant, I deserve to be alive just because I am alive, the idea that I don't deserve to be alive comes from bad people who think dangerous things, etc. I'm also trying more than ever to do the most kind things for my body as I can without pushing myself too hard: eating in a way that feels good to me, keeping myself/my clothes/my home clean on a more consistent basis, walking outside more, taking more breaks and procrastinating less, etc.

I'm wondering if there are other strategies that others have found success with that have helped you remember and understand in your mind and body that you deserve to be alive? I'm looking specifically for strategies other than ones that involve working or caretaking in service of someone else because those used to be the only things that made me feel like I deserved to be alive so I want to try to move away from focusing on those for a bit.

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that maybe I need to move away from the concept of "deserving" to be alive all together? Maybe I could try reframing to see that life isn't something I can deserve or not deserve but just something that I have that should not be taken from me? Curious to hear others thoughts 

[Kizzie]

So this is a short one I use Getting There but it has worked for me over the years. Look at what you've written and answer as though you are hearing it from another person. What would you say to them if they were struggling with feelings about not deserving to be alive? How might you help them reframe the notion of deserving/not deserving?

Maybe it will be something like noticing how it feels when you are safe, happy, etc., and revelling in those feelings. "Wow, this feels good."  No statements about whether or not you deserve to feel that way, simply an acknowledgement of the positivity your mind, heart and body have going on.

[GettingThere]

Thanks so much Kizzie! I have used both of those strategies for other challenges and I think they'll definitely be helpful for this as well. Thanks for that reminder and glad to hear those have worked well for you too! 

[Marcine]

Hi GettingThere,
This question of how to "remember and understand in your mind and body that you deserve to be alive" is a poignant one that resonates with me too.

You wrote, "Recently I've been feeling a lot safer in my body. I've been practicing taking cues on how safe I am by listening to how my body feels... practicing this with daily intentional effort... I'm also trying more than ever to do the most kind things for my body as I can without pushing myself too hard..."

This is beautiful and powerful!

It speaks to me of a growing, unconditional, positive regard for yourself.

One of my preferred ways to affirm my worthiness-to-exist-as-a-human is to spend time in nature, particularly wilderness.
I feel a sense of connectedness that cuts through the faulty programming of having to earn my place in life. The awe and sense of wonder I feel in nature is transformative for me.

I notice that it's on-going work to keep rewriting/ reinforcing the newer neural pathways to calibrate to what seems to be true— that I deserve to live and to be present.

Clearly, the default setting was messed with earlier in my life (putting it mildly.)

Just like my ankle that got injured long ago and benefits from tender loving care, so does this part of my injured and healing self need kind, consistent affirmations of goodness and worthiness.

Thank you for bringing this question into the light.

[GettingThere]

Thank you so much for your comment Marcine!! What you wrote about the healing power of being in nature really resonated with me.

I never made the connection before, but when you wrote that time in nature makes you "feel a sense of connectedness that cuts through the faulty programming of having to earn my place in life" I realized that's why nature is so healing to me as well.

Thanks so much again for your comment!