saying hello

[Calico77]

Hey
Just here to briefly introduce myself.....I'm in my 50's and would describe myself as having cPTSD, as I had little, if any guidance on how to deal with emotions/ make friends as I grew up. I've always been shy (verging on socially avoidant!) so I'm pretty nervous taking this step towards to the community.

The last few years have been really tough for me as I've been left disabled by surgical procedures that had 'unexpected outcomes' (that's what they call them here in the UK), my marriage subsequently broke up and last year I lost both our dogs.....

I'm sitting writing this with my new, incredibly sweet (rescued) French Bulldog because although I've survived (with the help of an amazing counsellor), I feel exhausted and emotionally alone. I'm hoping to find my tribe and some encouragement as I move forward and rebuild my life.

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome and well done for making your first post!

I'm from the UK, too. I'm really sorry to hear about your surgeries, marriage and losing your dogs. I lost mine some years ago and it still feels raw.

I look forward to getting to know you more, and in the meantime enjoy cuddling your little Frenchie. I hope s/he isn't suffering too much in the heat we seem to have pretty much everywhere at the minute.

[Calico77]

Hey! thank you for replying  I'm up north (Borders area) so it's cooler here than down south. Katz does ok, she loves to sunbathe and then sit under my recliner in the shade - I have to check where she is before I get up so I don't squish her!

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Calico!  So sorry to hear about the result of your surgeries and the losses you experienced in the last few years.  That sounds really tough. 

A lot of us here are/were socially anxious/avoidant from never being shown how to form and maintain relationships. Plus we're often not very comfortable in our own skin. I'm not a big fan of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), but early on I did an online course to help with my social anxiety and it really did help. One thing I figured out through the course was that most people were actually not judging me (as my family did), they were busy with their own lives. 

Anyway, you're in good company here.

[Calico77]

Thank you Kizzie...... I'll have a look at CBT....another interesting idea I read is that the fear that others are judging you for whatever reason (leaving you feeling really exposed and anxious) is actually the messages your own 'inner critic' is giving you out of your awareness. It's the things it learnt through childhood experiences....For me, being 'conspicuous' in any way was risky and 'broke the internal rules' for safety. It makes it such a tricky one to try to change.....