Unemployment, Flashbacks, NPD "Family" Business

[Blueberry]

I passed another first round interview yesterday and passed the second round today!! I was immediately put through to the 3rd round for that position as well!! So now I have two 3rd round interviews booked, one for tomorrow and one for Tuesday!! 

This is such a huge day for me in my CPTSD recovery. I'm realizing that I'm not that little 17 year old girl in my room anymore dreaming of escaping to a cheap studio apartment, but with only a part time job that didn't pay enough to make rent. I'm finally starting to realize that I'm twice as old as that little girl, and that I've already saved her <3

    

[GettingThere]

Thank you for the encouragement Blueberry!!     

[zen_racer]

This is such a huge day for me in my CPTSD recovery. I'm realizing that I'm not that little 17 year old girl in my room anymore dreaming of escaping to a cheap studio apartment, but with only a part time job that didn't pay enough to make rent. I'm finally starting to realize that I'm twice as old as that little girl, and that I've already saved her <3

That's a really good update, GettingThere.  It's good to have options.  The part I quoted is what stood out to me though.  That is quite the realization. 

[GettingThere]

Thank you so much Zen Racer <3 Yes, even more than the job, that realization is the main thing I'm celebrating. I'm feeling so so safe in my body (the most safe I've ever felt) because my inner child is starting to trust that I am a safe adult who can take care of her. And that's the biggest achievement of all 

[Hope67]

Hi GettingThere,
Wow, that is a really big achievement - I am cheering you  and your inner child too 

[GettingThere]

Thank you so much Hope67!! The third round interview for one of the positions went at least okay. I'm not positive that I got it, and I think there's a chance I didn't, just because I lacked some key experience, but I'm still proud that I did the interview. It was a 70 min interview and the most important thing to me is that even though it was very challenging, both interviewers were extremely kind and polite and I wasn't afraid of them, even when I said a few things that weren't perfectly prepared and when it seemed like I didn't have enough experience for the role.

Even when those things happened, I knew with full confidence that neither interviewer was going to yell at or insult me, that my body was going to be absolutely safe the entire time, and that I had another opportunity that might work out even better for me.

I've been doing a lot of inner child work through this last week of interviewing and my inner child is really starting to understand that when I am doing a "grown up" task, that the results can't be her fault because she's just a kid. She understands that she'll be safe and I'll take care of her the entire time, and that grown up tasks are my job, not hers. And even when the interview didn't go absolutely perfectly, myself and my inner child both understood that we don't need to be perfect to be safe. And for me, even more than any interview result or any dollar amount, that is the biggest success of all <3

[zen_racer]

Thank you so much Hope67!! The third round interview for one of the positions went at least okay. I'm not positive that I got it, and I think there's a chance I didn't, just because I lacked some key experience, but I'm still proud that I did the interview. It was a 70 min interview and the most important thing to me is that even though it was very challenging, both interviewers were extremely kind and polite and I wasn't afraid of them, even when I said a few things that weren't perfectly prepared and when it seemed like I didn't have enough experience for the role.

Even when those things happened, I knew with full confidence that neither interviewer was going to yell at or insult me, that my body was going to be absolutely safe the entire time, and that I had another opportunity that might work out even better for me.

I've been doing a lot of inner child work through this last week of interviewing and my inner child is really starting to understand that when I am doing a "grown up" task, that the results can't be her fault because she's just a kid. She understands that she'll be safe and I'll take care of her the entire time, and that grown up tasks are my job, not hers. And even when the interview didn't go absolutely perfectly, myself and my inner child both understood that we don't need to be perfect to be safe. And for me, even more than any interview result or any dollar amount, that is the biggest success of all <3

This is such a great update here.  I still feel like I'm only just beginning journey towards recovery, and I've learned a lot in what you put here.  I wish I related to it more.  What I can say is that I have the best job I've ever had in my life so far.  When I did the interview, they had several questions wanting to verify my skills, knowledge, and experience where I didn't have the experience they were looking for.  I was upfront and honest, but would ask follow up questions of my own or talk about experience that related to it.

"No, I don't actually have direct experience with that aspect of the programming software in setting up that communication protocol, but having been an IT Administrator previously I have a lot of experience with networking communication.  Is this something that you could provide any training on or allow me time to get up to speed with?"

I am only just beginning to start any inner child work, and so far it's been slow going because when I do it, I seem to provoke a lot of reactions within myself.  Despite knowing I'm physically safe, my nervous system or inner child refuses to acknowledge any sense of safety.  To me, you're right.  That is the biggest success of all.  Given how well you've presented things here and the realizations you're having, I'm sure you're doing very well in these interviews.

  

[GettingThere]

Thank you so much Zen Racer, that is very good interview advice. I used the strategy of mentioning related or similar experience as much as I could. But I'm happy because even if the first job doesn't work out, I have a back up plan with my second choice of job.

Having the best job you've ever had is definitely something huge to be so proud of! Congrats! I think the career and inner child work areas of my life developed in a reverse order to yours. When I was younger, I had a very stable career for a while (my first career choice that my abusers later sabotaged) and when my career was stable, I had the opportunity and time to do a lot of inner child work. But then my career completely fell apart later on.

It's very hard to do and takes a lot of time but now that you have the career stability that you fought so hard to achieve, it might be easier to help your body ease into a sense of safety that helps your inner child relax.

Best wishes to you on your healing journey and thank you for all your support <3

[NarcKiddo]

It sounds like the interview went very well. It's great that you were able to keep your inner child feeling safe so you could deal with a challenging interview without additional internal turmoil. I'm happy to see that you have another option if this one does not land. You don't want to end up in a job that isn't suitable as that is so disruptive, so it's good various things were discussed fully at the interview.

[GettingThere]

Thanks NarcKiddo, that was a very helpful reminder. I'm used to thinking that I have to stretch myself and push myself past my abilities in order to be working hard enough, be good enough, and be liked enough by authorities in order to earn the right to be safe and not be in danger. Since the interview, I've been really struggling to figure out whether I am actually unqualified for the position or whether I am simply dealing with low self esteem. I've done very similar things before, but they are expecting some key experience that I don't have. I'm a very quick study and was able to research enough the night before the interview to give good enough answers to the interview questions, and this is a skill that I have always wanted to learn and master, but I guess I'll just see what happens next week. I'm having my final interview with my back up job on Tuesday and in the last interview, it seemed like I was overqualified for that role, so at least I have a back up that I know is within my ability.

I'm just really proud that when I did a bit of inner child work after the interview, my inner child still trusted me that I was a safe grown up who would protect her and be able to figure out this situation and that her body and heart would be safe the whole time even though the future is unknown 

[GettingThere]

I got the job that I interviewed for today!! I'm going to get the result for the other job tomorrow by email and then decide. Even though the job I got today was in person, I felt SO safe with the manager and the team. I shadowed for an hour and then had a 15 min interview and I felt extremely safe and respected the entire time. The job seemed pretty relaxing and a great job for someone doing school at the same time.

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I prefer the in person job even though it pays less because I feel much safer with the team, even though I can't work remote and it pays 75% of what the other job pays. I think at this point in my life, being in a space where I'd be working in person next to people I feel safe with might be an even bigger win than a work-from-home job that pays more money where I would feel a bit more afraid of the people based on the interview I had.

[zen_racer]

    

That is awesome!  And after as many toxic jobs as I had, one with great people was such a blessing.  I'm hoping you get both offers and get to choose though.  Congratulations!

[GettingThere]

Thank you so much Zen Racer!! And thank you to everyone here who has been so supportive of me these last couple months. I think because I'm going to be going to school at the same time that I'm really leaning towards the lower paying easier job because with everything else I'm doing, I need something calm and easy to keep the wheels turning with school. But I guess I'll see how it goes tomorrow! Many thanks and big hugs to you all

[Blueberry]

    

That's great!

[GettingThere]

Thank you Blueberry!!