Feeling uncomfortable with comments

[Sunshineaftertherain]

 

I have joined a community class a few weeks ago which I enjoy and decided to keep coming weekly. A man who I had spoken to at the beginning of the class asked if I wanted to see a show with him. I agreed.
I have no attraction to him but being a trauma survivor I've read maybe that's a good thing not to need feel this instantly.

However he started texting initially with the show info then multiple texts daily. I felt like I was being interviewed at times with questions like 'what do you excel at?' 'Are you a competitive person? In general? then when asking about sports he said 'No wonder you have  such a lovely figure' with an excited emoji - This made me uncomfortable! 

We met up, had drinks then the show and dinner afterwards. No sparks flying, it was something different but I could feel myself flagging, getting fatigued and struggling to cope with the noise of the show and the business of the restaurant. He was also asking quite probing questions like how I manage to afford my housing when I work a few days a week. My CPTSD is something I don't disclose generally as it makes me feel vulnerable, I'm quite a private person and I don't want someone taking advantage of this such as a narcissist.   

He walked me to my car and on the way he was asking about my family. Both my brothers have died. He asked if this was through illness or other means which I I didn't answer. My dad is also dead. He then said 'I wonder how long I'll last' which I laughed off thinking he was talking about walking me to my car. Realising what he was referring to made me think it was a strange thing to say and lacking in empathy or compassion. I just wanted to go home but he tried to kiss me and I moved away and he hugged me tightly and discussed a next date.

I was considering a decider date but after his text today which was 4 multiple texts with the last one asking ,Any church for you on a Sunday? Do you have a religion or follow a spiritual path? just put me right off. I don't understand why he is asking all this in text messages other than information gathering and trying to suss out who and what support I have in my life.

I initially thought being a trauma survivor I don't glide into things easily and I wanted to come on here to get some feedback. I do feel my gut is steering me in the right direction.

Now I don't know how to to let him know via text this isn't going anywhere?     I also don't want the weekly class to now become uncomfortable. 

[NarcKiddo]

He sounds pushy to say the least and I agree you should follow your gut feeling. Maybe it is better not to cut him off by text but speak to him at the next weekly class. You don't have to be mean about it. You could either be direct and say you didn't think there was a connection or you could be non-committal and just say something like you have massive work commitments (or sports, or family, or whatever) coming up and won't be available in the foreseeable future. Which you can simply repeat at class each week until he gets the message.

[Kizzie]

 

IMO it's unusual for someone to ask so many questions and of the type he was asking, especially in the beginning of a potential relationship. Not trusting my gut in these kinds of situation has usually not turned out well so it's likely a good thing to listen to yours, step back and let him know you're not interested in any further dates/a relationship. I suspect given his behaviour if you're not clear with him about that he will keep pestering you. 

Good luck!