Hello

[birdstatues]

Hello, this is my first day on this site.  My username is birdstatues because recently I went to the salvation army thrift store and found beautiful bird statues. I have a therapist for Asperger's.. But I recently started learning about cptsd, and I think that I have that, either instead of, or in addition to Asperger's.  A lot of the things on both lists are true for me, but the cptsd motivations/reasons feel more in line with how I think and feel on the inside. 

I recently brought this to my therapist's attention, and it didn't go well. He became very defensive and dismissive toward me.  I feel so sad to stop the sessions.  I've thought a lot about it though, and I'm considering that maybe parts of our therapeutic alliance haven't been healthy. I'm in the middle of wondering. 

I feel a little humiliated that I brought it up with him.  I immediately fawned afterward. I was planning to end the sessions (after many years).  But he was kind of pushy about scheduling.  Like I said, I'm in the middle of wondering whether the situation is healthy, and I thought joining a group like this might help me to move forward, and also support the work I've started on my own toward healing my nervous system.

[TheBigBlue]

Hi birdstatues,

I'm really glad you found your way here. And honestly, your username made me smile: beautiful bird statues from a thrift store somehow feels oddly grounding and gentle.

What you described with your therapist sounds painful and confusing, especially after working together for many years. I also really relate to the "I immediately fawned afterward" part. That can happen so fast, especially when something important to us is dismissed or met defensively.
And I don't think you should feel humiliated for bringing up CPTSD. Wanting to understand yourself more deeply is not something shameful.

It also sounds to me like you are approaching this thoughtfully, not impulsively, by allowing yourself to wonder about the relationship and whether it still feels healthy for you.

I hope this space can support you while you sort through some of those questions. You're definitely not alone in these kinds of experiences here. 💛

[birdstatues]

Thank you the big blue. 

[Marcine]

Hi birdstatues,
Welcome to the forum

I can relate to telling a therapist about CPTSD and it not going well. In my case, the therapist had me diagnosed with PTSD and he didn't have the knowledge, interest, or billing codes for the more accurate diagnosis. He also acted defensive and dismissive. Not ok.

I have experience with a close family member who was diagnosed with Asperger's.

I still keep Hans Asperger's quote (that he wrote almost a hundred years ago) up on the wall: "The difficulties, which this boy has with himself as well as with his relationship to the world, are the price he has to pay for his special gifts."

Again, welcome. You've found a supportive place with vast resources and wonderful folk.

[Kizzie]

Welcome to Out of the Storm BirdStatues! 

I admire you for questioning whether your current therapist is quite right for you. As survivors we often have trouble with conflict and yet you are still wondering in the face of that. It sounds like you are not about to remain in a relationship that is not helpful and that IMO is a big step forward into living according to what you need.

I hope being here will help you sort issues like this that arise for so many of us. 

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. I am sorry your therapist was not supportive when you raised your concerns. I have heard that a lot of people get put into the wrong therapeutic 'box', especially where CPTSD is concerned. And of course, as you are wondering, it is entirely possible to have more than one aspect at play. It's disappointing that the therapist was not prepared to explore things with you. If the therapist is otherwise helpful it is of course possible he had a human reaction to having his assessment of the situation fundamentally challenged. It may be that the rupture can be repaired and the therapeutic relation ultimately strengthened. But I say that on the assumption that you have only had that one session where he got defensive and that he was not so out of line that the whole relationship has gone up in smoke. It's a huge positive thing that you feel able to question the therapist and to actually raise your doubts.