TV's Repair Journal

[Chart]

 

[lowbudgetTV]

I haven't had much thoughts to write in here since I've sent it. I can say it has arrived a while ago according to the postal tracking, and I haven't heard anything. The sky did not fall. I am alone and happy--blood relation-wise, at least. I've got good friends and community. I've only reflected a little bit on how my mother had treated me since the last interactions... I think deep-down, she knows the truth and doesn't want to work for me anymore. Hopefully--I'd be grateful for that! It's still sad. I'd like a nice mother one day.

It's been lovely weather recently and I've been really nostalgic still. I feel joy and openness for things a bit more again. I've started with my therapist on discussing my inability to feel fully present and open about my emotions, and she's taught me about the types of voices we have. It's kind of helpful. I've also just been doing artistic journaling, though, since my life's purpose is really relegated to doing something creative. (That's kind of why it's important to fully feel!)

It's time to focus on me now I guess. No worries and dread about the obligations. I am virtually an orphan, as I have been for years and years. How nice, and how sad that it is so nice...

[lowbudgetTV]

I started my workday off with a notification on LinkedIn that my mother was attempting to add me! Man, I hate LinkedIn. If only I didn't need to use it for my job. It sucks there! All business speak that feels AI-generated (or it's just so standardized and jargony that it feels machine made...) and cringe posts that are somehow trying to relate to career. Yuck.

Anyways, it did give me a "shock" but if anything it felt like a nice dosage of caffeine pills. I've been having a rough time at night. It might be because my partner is off on a trip and I'm alone in the big city... But it's also just subconscious things like my dreams being depressing. At least they weren't related to my family!

The best I could describe the situation as is "cringe." I like having no contact with my family. I have power now. I blocked the account. I tried to report it, but it seems like there's not a "this person is harassing me" option on the there, which I think would be nice... I still did it though. Not a real person, I chose, and hopefully it'll make her have to do stupid authentication she's too tired to do. There's nothing on her account anyways, so it'll probably trigger something. But hey, gives me a good story to say why I still hate the darn website.

I'm focusing on myself recently and forgoing caring about a "presentable career" anyways. By that, I mean I still am doing art and projects, but they're for me. The world can get them later on, when the dust settles.

That's my update. First signs of life from my estranged family I guess.

[NarcKiddo]

Ugh. I am still in contact with my mother but I remember when she tried to friend me on Facebook. The feeling was utterly awful. I'm glad you blocked and also made that report.

[StartingHealing]

lowbudgetTV

"I am virtually an orphan, as I have been for years and years. How nice, and how sad that it is so nice."

that hit me in the feels. 

I personally have exited from all socials. My cost/benefit ratio of decent to garbage finally got to the point that the decent/good to garbage was such that they were not worth the time and effort. If I want to share something with someone there is text, calls, etc.

 I'm seriously considering doing the same with linkedin because it's turned into a very very crappy copy of FB.  Not to mention my tolerance to propaganda and corp speak is gone. 

Wishing you all the best

[lowbudgetTV]

Thanks, you two, for your words!

SH - I agree. LinkedIn feels useless for what it wants to be. Alas, I do use it lightly for work, only to pog in and manage a few things. If I catch a glimpse of some corpo-speak sounds-no-different-than-pure-AI post, my brain gets weird. I can tell when something's so fake and pathetic nowadays, and I don't know if its part brain fog or brain damage from slight trauma I've had before. Either way, I think of it as a weird superpower in this age of fakery.

Modern social media is all corpo now, almost. Few small things remain. I'm creative so I've retreated to old style forums like this where it feels a bit more personable and expressive + handmade websites. I have to go on an adventure to look for pretty art I want sometimes, but that's a fun adventure at least.

I stay on things where the costs/benefits are still in favor of creativity. Having nerds with cartoon avatars cohabitate with, say, public figures on a website was a mistake.

Another bonus to creativity is I've never been the person to subscribe to being my IRL self on the internet, you know, disregarding the disassociation anyways. LinkedIn requires it, and I only have a FB to try and sell random furniture sometimes... (And meta hasn't yelled at me for the fact that the fake name I use isn't a real person yet, ha!)... But otherwise, I am not getting paid for these corps to have my data.

[StartingHealing]

lowbudgetTV, personally I think that is one killer superpower!  Perhaps has nothing to do with any type of damage at all.  I agree that most of the 'net is corpo crap.  For a hot take on the current state of the net, look into the dead internet theory.  I don't remember exactly where I read it, however the claim is that a traffic analysis of all internet traffic, 51% is bot activity with the % predicted to hit something like 90% within a few years. 

Going on an adventure to find good art is a worthwhile thing.  I appreciate the makers, those that roll their own site, or paint, dance, sculpt or whatever.  Art, true art, crafted by humans feeds other humans souls.  The slew of AI generated pap don't, and the corpo crapola don't either. 

For a old school type of site, what about craigslist for buying / selling ? No need for FB marketplace which is mainly bots anyway.  The local craigslist is where I got a lead on a really good used car for really decent $$ that I ended up getting.  I tried FB marketplace and .. the results were not good. Even on simple stuff.  I was trying to find like a back of the couch table and .. I finally gave up, went to craigslist, and boom, done deal that day, where I had spent like 5 days on FB marketplace. 

I know a little bit about cyber security and having a "avatar" with a made up name is actually good security policy out on the web.  Just like having an alias email, or a alias CC# or even a web based # that forwards to your real #, or using a VPN as standard practice.   Unfortunately it has gotten to the point that we do need to be aware of the digital footprint that is created by us.  Well, the data that is collected is then fed into a model and then that is used to deliver targeted ads to us.  I'm right there with you.  I haven't gotten a check from ___________________ yet for the revenues they got from my data.  As such, F them.  Go Galt.  That's what I'm doing.