Hello there

[Hurricane]

Hi everyone!
I'm not a native English speaker so please excuse any misspelling and grammar mistakes.

I just got the ,okay' to join your community and I'm still a little bit overwhelmed but I'm willing to try my best.

I am 24 years old and just recently learned that I didn't had the childhood bliss I thought I had.
It's still hard for me to understand.
I wasn't mistreated.
I wasn't screamed at or abused.
Nothing.
And that was it.
NOTHING.
My parents thought I would figure everything out by myself.
I was such a smart kid!
Every problem I had, I was on my own with it.
Every problem I thought I couldn't figure out myself was denied.
I was ,,just too dramatic", ,,a drama queen", ,,too much".
Especially when I was struggling in public.
There was no struggling according to my parents.
So I struggled on my own, unsure and so overwhelmed with so many emotions that I couldn't understand yet handle.

And now I am who I am.
Emotionally unavailable, deeply insecure about myself and stuck with the thought of always being ,,too much".

To be quite honest, it is very hard for me to even post this here.
I don't know if I should be vocal about this.

Yet here I am.
Hello everyone

[Hope67]

Hi Hurricane,
Welcome 
Hope

[Blueberry]

Hello Hurricane,

Welcome to the forum I'm sorry you need us, but since that's the case, I'm glad you found us.

It's good you managed to post so much about yourself, considering it's so difficult for you. You're welcome to write as much or as little as you're able, no pressure.

Emotional neglect can lead to cptsd just as well as abuse can. Your parents sound severely neglectful. I'm speechless at how they could have thought what they were doing was OK. But I'll try to find words. Of course, children need to be shown things, have things explained - how to do all sorts. You shouldn't have to struggle figuring 'everything' out because you were "smart". Even smart children need help and understanding and validation, with physical things but also with emotions. Telling you you were a drama queen etc was the opposite of validation, not to mention a lie as far as I'm concerned.

Lots of us have an uneasy feeling that we're too much or some aspect of us is too much, or we will be too much if we speak up, need something or any other small thing.

This forum is very supportive, I hope you start to feel that.

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. I'mg glad you found us, and well done for finding the courage to make your post.