Grieving

[Lina]

I am listening to the book of Pete Walker, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, and it's very helpful and I recognize so much stuff. I read about grieving, that this is also a necessary part of the healing process. I actually wanted to skip that.  I was thinking, doing EMDR sessions, working on my inner critic for the 1543th time and opening up a bit more to others would be enough. But just now I was crying for quite a long time. It tends to happen in public these days, and I found myself a nice spot in a nearby park. And I was sobbing.... Feeling a huge amount of compassion for the struggling child I was, being hurt by either my father or bullies from school, left alone emotionally by my mother. Constantly on the watch out, almost never able to find a safe spot, seeing no way out other than fleeing in my imagination, dreaming about being rescued by nice, warm people in a camper van. Feeling the old pain, feeling for the girl I was is painful but also relieving. So hopefully this is some kind of useful grieving. hugging my younger self and trying to accept the vulnerability that I am feeling in my current live, Which is quite difficult but I making steps forward. Cleaning up the garbage, leaving the heavy burden with my parents, it's not mine, it's theirs (their traumas don't have to be mine anymore).

[Chart]

Yes Lina, I'm doing very similar things. There's so much to mourn and no matter oh so long ago that it was it's still fresh as roses in my heart and mind. I imagine you weeping in a quiet corner of the park and I see myself too. I do the same. Sometimes the tears come while I'm driving. Sending love and support and hope for warm healing, chart
 

[Kizzie]

I am so sorry for all your pain Lina. I hope grieving does help you to bring that down over time and you can look at living a more positive life. I know grieving really helped me and freed up space for other better things.

[Lina]

Thank you for your supportive, sweet words. Looks like the weeping was worthwhile. I do feel relieved and had had a relaxed and productive night! More so than the past few weeks. 

[Kizzie]