how do you deal with emotional flashbacks like this?

[sky]

i visited an abuse website and was shocked when the moderator was hostile towards a member who was trying to ask for help with their abusive spouse.  The member even said so.  Before I knew it another moderator got on me and said i was attacking the person for pointing out that the moderators behavior was hostile- i tried to communicate in a polite way with the administrator and was really shocked when their reply was shut up and stop it. Then this administrator blocked me from the site!  A supposedly safe place like that should have had moderators that weren't abusive - and if they were you would think the administrator would address it differently.  I couldn't believe it.  I know the moderator and owner are obviously struggling with abuse themselves, but all day today i have been struggling with emotional flashbacks to my abusive ex who would hurt me like this and not care and blame me.  How do you deal with emotional flashbacks like this? I find i lose a lot of time from it when i could be more productive taking care of stuff i need to do.

[asdis]

we hope you're doing better now, we know this post is a bit old.

the first thing we would do is remind ourself that 1: we are not still there in the abuse, and 2: we didn't do anything wrong. even if we think we already know that about the flashback/situation, we remind ourself anyway because it helps solidify the knowledge. then we validate the emotional response. we have the emotional response because those feelings still exist in our body, and even if it feels like overreacting, denying them or trying to stop them is counterproductive to moving past them. for us, we like to make sure that we're physically comfortable during emotional flashbacks. it only helps a little bit, but being able to acknowledge something like "this blanket is really soft" or "i like the decorations around me" helps us reconnect with where we actually are, and over time it helps us break from the flashback. another thing we usually do during flashbacks is remind ourself that our to-do list is not as important as caring for ourself, even if the things we have to do are also technically self care.

something else that helps us is writing out the emotions during an emotional flashback. it doesn't always work, but if we're capable of putting some of it onto paper, it can lessen how heavy it feels internally. for really bad ones, we'll write what we can about it and then rip the paper up or burn it. other than that, we also tend to try to find activities that help us get out of our head. sometimes that means reading a book that we know we love, or building a new house in the sims, or rewatching a comfort show. sometimes it means we search for new baking recipes, sew new patches onto our bag or do our makeup or nails just for fun. the things that help are different for everyone, but the basis of dealing with emotional flashbacks often seems to be validating and allowing the emotions to be heard/felt, but also finding ways to remind yourself of the here and now and comfort yourself.

[Marcine]

Hi sky,
I totally relate with you about the upsetting and disruptive power that emotional flashbacks bring.
My immediate go-to is to calm my breathing so hopefully I can stay out of fight-flight mode.
Then, I open my bookmark to Pete Walker's website and read his list of tips to manage emotional flashbacks.
If I'm able to keep my head above water, at that point I try to consider what triggered the flashback, and compassionately stay with myself.
Easier said than done, yes, but it's a journey, step by step.
How are you doing with managing emotional flashbacks? I know your original post is from a while back. I'd love to hear.