how do you deal with emotional flashbacks like this?

[sky]

i visited an abuse website and was shocked when the moderator was hostile towards a member who was trying to ask for help with their abusive spouse.  The member even said so.  Before I knew it another moderator got on me and said i was attacking the person for pointing out that the moderators behavior was hostile- i tried to communicate in a polite way with the administrator and was really shocked when their reply was shut up and stop it. Then this administrator blocked me from the site!  A supposedly safe place like that should have had moderators that weren't abusive - and if they were you would think the administrator would address it differently.  I couldn't believe it.  I know the moderator and owner are obviously struggling with abuse themselves, but all day today i have been struggling with emotional flashbacks to my abusive ex who would hurt me like this and not care and blame me.  How do you deal with emotional flashbacks like this? I find i lose a lot of time from it when i could be more productive taking care of stuff i need to do.

[asdis]

we hope you're doing better now, we know this post is a bit old.

the first thing we would do is remind ourself that 1: we are not still there in the abuse, and 2: we didn't do anything wrong. even if we think we already know that about the flashback/situation, we remind ourself anyway because it helps solidify the knowledge. then we validate the emotional response. we have the emotional response because those feelings still exist in our body, and even if it feels like overreacting, denying them or trying to stop them is counterproductive to moving past them. for us, we like to make sure that we're physically comfortable during emotional flashbacks. it only helps a little bit, but being able to acknowledge something like "this blanket is really soft" or "i like the decorations around me" helps us reconnect with where we actually are, and over time it helps us break from the flashback. another thing we usually do during flashbacks is remind ourself that our to-do list is not as important as caring for ourself, even if the things we have to do are also technically self care.

something else that helps us is writing out the emotions during an emotional flashback. it doesn't always work, but if we're capable of putting some of it onto paper, it can lessen how heavy it feels internally. for really bad ones, we'll write what we can about it and then rip the paper up or burn it. other than that, we also tend to try to find activities that help us get out of our head. sometimes that means reading a book that we know we love, or building a new house in the sims, or rewatching a comfort show. sometimes it means we search for new baking recipes, sew new patches onto our bag or do our makeup or nails just for fun. the things that help are different for everyone, but the basis of dealing with emotional flashbacks often seems to be validating and allowing the emotions to be heard/felt, but also finding ways to remind yourself of the here and now and comfort yourself.

[Marcine]

Hi sky,
I totally relate with you about the upsetting and disruptive power that emotional flashbacks bring.
My immediate go-to is to calm my breathing so hopefully I can stay out of fight-flight mode.
Then, I open my bookmark to Pete Walker's website and read his list of tips to manage emotional flashbacks.
If I'm able to keep my head above water, at that point I try to consider what triggered the flashback, and compassionately stay with myself.
Easier said than done, yes, but it's a journey, step by step.
How are you doing with managing emotional flashbacks? I know your original post is from a while back. I'd love to hear.

[sky]

Addis and Marcine- I think it's so nice that you wanted to respond to what I said and I feel bad because it's been more than a year since you responded and I wasn't on the site to reply.  I am touched that you responded with such thoughtful and caring words and I wanted you to know that I think deeply about what what you said because I know it's from people who have actually been there done that so it's extremely valuable.  I'm sorry you experienced abuse as well but I think it's encouraging that we can share ideas to help each other. I started counseling in March. I had read about EMDR and thought I'd give it a try although we haven't gotten to the first EMDR session we have accomplished the safety session which does use the bilateral stimulation and oh my gosh I've gotta say this is Neuro science magic - there's something about the bilateral stimulation that actually caused my memory to be so alive that I was actually in the place that I was remembering it wasn't just that I was remembering it,  I was actually there. It was my backyard when I was growing up - a safe place - the trees in the summertime the wind I was right there.  I can understand why EMDR is so successful if it can actually touch those fragmented pieces that are unprocessed, that keep getting triggered and keep causing us the problems that we have with our emotions/mental lack of peace - and once touched, allows us to be able to process them so they can settle down into our memories and not be so troublesome.  It won't be long before I have my first session - we're starting with low intensity trauma so I don't get overwhelmed. I'm excited about it because I'm so tired of getting triggered for so many years. 

[Marcine]

Hi sky,
"Neuro science magic"  I love that!

"a safe place - the trees in the summertime the wind I was right there."

... What a peaceful image.

"we're starting with low intensity trauma so I don't get overwhelmed. I'm excited about it because I'm so tired of getting triggered for so many years."

... that sounds so respectful to yourself and positive.

I hope the EMDR goes great for you