starting over

[NarcKiddo]

I'm really glad not only that you are feeling better but also that you are able to identify that you are. 

[sanmagic7]

hope and NK, thanks.    

feeling quite awful today.  football game last nite, too tense, too late, too much food i don't normally eat, especially late at nite.  chills, feversih, can barely walk today.  down for the count.  i hate this!

[NarcKiddo]

I'm sorry you're not well. Rest up and take it easy. Hope you feel better soon. 

[sanmagic7]

thanks, NK.  better today - too stressful, that game, and stress gets me every time.

just recovering.  last day of sept.  for the first time, i forgot D1's birthday this month.  it was strange to realize that.  don't feel guilty, or i don't recognize it.  but it feels strange as a mom to forget her kid's b-day.

[sanmagic7]

not getting restful sleep sucks.  not getting enough also sucks.  i sure hope i'll be able to get more meds - my stash is running low, but my dr. appt. isn't till next month yet.  ugh!!!

just wanted to complain.

[NarcKiddo]

  Here's hoping you get some good

[sanmagic7]

thanks, NK.  i actually slept ok the last 2 nites, but last nite, very limited meds, and it made a difference.  i know how much i need to take to make my sleep restful and enough - just can't always do that right now.  soooo, here's hoping i get the help i need with the new doc. 

my D's mammo came out clean, thank everything good.  one hurdle down.  she's at the dentist today, see if that can't get resolved as well.  i'll be going w/ her cuz she's very anxious about what's going on in her mouth.  i hope they are gentle dentists.

my birthday is tues. 78.  old age.  it's trippy, cuz i write things like 'trippy', like i'm still 27, which, in spirit i am, but i'm seeing a lot more signs physically, especially my neck, hands, upper arms, all those old people places.  i've got to give a shout out to my skin, tho - it has taken so many hits for me that, as far as i know, my innards haven't had to deal w/.  i think i don't have any major organ problems, etc. and my face and hair color are still intact for the most part, don't look my age at all yet, so i'm not really complaining.  it's just kind of a shock to see my age creep up on me when i haven't been looking! 

my D told me that she worked at a condo for several years, and a lot of older people there would tell her not to get old.  in her mind, she said, 'so, at what age should i kill myself?  that's the only way i won't grow old.'  i told her yesterday that i wouldn't ever tell her not to grow old cuz it's actually an adventure!  always new and different things to contend with, think about, notice, accept, adapt to, change (like eating habits - my system just will not accept certain things, like sugar, which i used to eat in great quantities when i was a kid, without a massive rebellion. 

besides which, i'm one of the fortunate ones who can still read, write, understand, do most things for myself (yeah, technology can throw me, dealing w/ strangers on the phone and bureaucracy i usually have to have my D help me with) but for the most part i'm doing ok physically and mentally.  psychologically is another story sometimes, but there it is.  the point is i'm still here, and there are a lot of people who aren't, who haven't made it this far for one reason or another, and altho i've had a pretty wild life in some respects - alc. and drugs come to mind - i've managed for the most part to set the bad/neg. stuff aside and go on w/o it.  i'm pretty blessed.

that's my birthday speech for this year. 

[sanmagic7]

am quite distressed/disturbed because my cousin, who i've known all my life, and i do know cares about me, and who is very religious, sent me a birthday card full of 'god' stuff, bible quotes, telling me she hoped i found it uplifting.  in fact, it did quite the opposite, distressed me a lot, i ended up tearing the card to bits.  that kind of thing hits me all wrong.  thankfully, my D understood, and it was really good to have her support in that.

i'm not sure what's behind it - i was very church-y, albeit in a different religion than hers, but i grew away from organized religion a long time ago.  i found too much hypocrisy for my taste.  i'm not putting anyone or their beliefs down - if it helps, i think it's great.  i just don't want it put on me, cuz it does not help me.

[NarcKiddo]

   for tomorrow.

I'm sorry your cousin sent you a triggering card and I am glad you took action and tore it up.

And - 78! No way. I'm not sure why that should surprise me as we don't see people physically on here, but in my mind's eye you are a similar age to me, which is 57. And even then I know what you mean about feeling 27. It's only because I know you have adult children that I know that could not be.

I'm really glad to read that the mammogram came out clear for your D and I hope the dentist goes well today.

[SenseOrgan]

Happy Birthday San! 78 circles around the sun on spaceship earth, yet 27 forever!   
I know only a little about your background, and from that alone I can tell it's quite an achievement to go through life with such a positive attitude still. If there's one thing I'd wish for you this year, it's proper sleep. So hopefully the new doc can help with that. It's great your D's mammo came out clean by the way!

[Hope67]

Wishing you a Very Happy Birthday SanMagic       

Also a very big hug too 

[Blueberry]

Happy Birthday san

 

    

[sanmagic7]

NK, SO, hope, and  blueberry - thank you all so very much for the wonderful birthday wishes.  they brought smiles to my heart!        

NK, i'm glad i tore it up as well.  i still have to go further, tell her not to send stuff like that to me anymore.  working up the courage for that! thanks.

SO, that's such a wonderful wish!  it would be fantastic to be able to sleep regularly.  thank you! 

have been up thinking about what i want to say about that religious stuff to my cousin.  i've had to wait a few days cuz immediately, i wanted to thrash out at her and didn't care if i broke the relationship or not.  my D, who can be very levelheaded when it comes to these things helped me calm down, so i believe i can write something civil while still getting my point across.  i hope.

my birthday was good, but it's gnawing at me about being 78.  somehow or another i've crossed the 'old' threshold, and it feels weird.  hopefully it's a temporary thing. 

[sanmagic7]

vaccines, sick, worn out.