starting over

[Desert Flower]

Very nice San! 

[sanmagic7]

sick again.  will reply later.

[Desert Flower]

I'm sorry you're feeling sick San. Take it easy if possible. No need to reply.
 

[sanmagic7]

a little better today. 

SO, thanks for that big hug.  she appreciates it immensely!   

hey, NK, i hope if you do try it that you like it. 

DF, thank you muchly.   

one of my D's best friend's mother died yesterday, which dragged down my mood.  my D was gone most of the day helping out, being supportive, etc.  it brought to my mind the idea that my D's generation is now losing their parents, and i'm on that list.  i hate it when stuff smacks me in the face.  so, getting over that now.

[sanmagic7]

got sick again, am just beginning to come out of it.  i finally found something online that talks about this 'stress flu' that keeps putting me down. i found an article that helps explain it, for anyone interested:

https://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-disorders/symptoms/flu-like-symptoms-anxiety/

so, fighting my way back by means of rest, rest, rest.  anything that causes me to use my brain/mind doesn't help, so i'm watching a lot of tv, reading, snoozing.  eventually, it'll be over, but it's disheartening all the same.  it feels miserable to feel miserable every month or so.  this time i've lost my voice, can barely walk, besides all the aches, pains, lethargy, and general unwell feeling.  just like i'm getting the flu, but there's no medicine to combat it.

[NarcKiddo]

That article was interesting, and resonated. I am sorry you are feeling sick again. I also know what you mean about needing to rest (but not necessarily sleep). I have a totally mindless game for kids on my iPad and when I feel this way I find it helpful to lie on the bed to rest but play this silly game so I am doing something repetitive. I hope you feel better soon.
 

[sanmagic7]

hey, NK, very sorry this resonated w/ you.  it's the pits.  yeah, i do mindless computer games as well.  just passing the time until the 'sickness' blows over.  thanks ever so for your support.

every day is an inch better, but i'm still not near to where i need to be.  thankfully, u.s. open tennis has begun, so that will fill in some time for me in a good way.  it's been interesting to see players now admitting to and talking about their mental health issues because of what they go thru.  good for them!

[sanmagic7]

tired today, didn't sleep well.  not surprising, cuz i'm rolling back on my meds again - i just don't have enough to last me till nov. when i finally get to see a doc, and hopefully will be able to get more then.  fingers crossed.

my D's friend's mom's funeral was yesterday - she was a year younger than me - and, again, the idea of it's my turn, so to speak, has hit us both, i think. like i'm now living on borrowed time. 

also found out that it seems my D has a form of narcolepsy, which is why she's so tired all the time.  she was given ritalin in high school for her 'chronic fatigue', which, apparently, is often the catchword for this condition when the doc didn't know what else to call it.  neurotransmitters (or lack thereof) are involved - she probably does not have enough of a certain one that stimulates brain cells to tell them it's time to be awake, and to give her system the energy to go about her day.

so, another thing on our minds.  hopefully, she will get this diagnosis - she has to have a sleep test to make sure her tiredness isn't just sleep apnea - and it will help her to get federal disability.  this answers so many questions, makes sense of so much about her day-to-day dealings. 

i just hope she can get some relief somehow.  she can fall asleep on a dime, dream in a matter of minutes (which normally it takes 60-90 min. to get to the level of REM sleep for dreams), and just feels tired the entire day no matter how many hours of sleep she gets at nite, how many naps she takes during the day.  ugh!  one more thing pushed in our faces.  yeah, i can hardly wait to see a doc in nov., find out how many frickin' things are wrong with me.

[sanmagic7]

i wrote on another thread about having a depersonalization experience the other day, but i'm too upset right now to speak anymore about it.

[Desert Flower]

Hi San, just wanted to let you know I'm here with you reading this.
I did not read about your experience yet, but I know these can be very unsettling indeed. It's hard sometimes. A big hug for you.

 

[sanmagic7]

thank you so much for the hug, DF.  it was very unsettling, especially to know that i still am not able to manage such situations as myself yet.

slept well last nite.  not sure why, but i feel pretty good this morning, which is a rarity.  however, i'll take it and enjoy it! 

i got notice yesterday that i have access to medicaid and that prescriptions for meds will be paid for.  hallelujah!!!    so it was a day of a major down feeling to one of being majorly up and thankful.  it will also pay for vaccines that are important for me, like RSV and tetanus.  glad about that.  unfortunately, my income will go up next you due to regular annual increases, so it's likely this help will only be available to me for a year,  that means i've got to get a doc established, get as many meds as possible, get all my vaccines - which is kind of a horror, cuz they make me sick for at least a week every time i get them as my body adjusts to the new immunity benefits - but, it's worth it for me to go thru that cuz in the long run i'll stay healthier.  at this age, i can use all the help i can get!