CSA (TW), Emotional Abuse & Neglect

[juliannmhall]

I was sexually abused from about 4 years old until I was taken away by cps around 10 years old. But after about a year, I was sent back to my mother who spent from 13 years old being sexually abused by him, kidnapped by him around 15 years old and then terrorized emotionally, physically and sexually by him until she ran away with us 2 girls. She spent another 10 years with my stepfather who terrorized us all, emotionally and physically. I was the only kid he sexually abused. When I got back to my mother she went out to the bar, that very night and left us alone. She has severe cptsd and was not at all mature enough to raise kids and she really hated me. She was never paying any attention and always had us around bad people, I was a magnet to child molesters, rapists,  even on the street perverts found me. So I continued to be sexually abused, emotionally abused and sometimes severely neglected, no food, no clean clothes, pet cats dying, she only came home to scream at me, I became her enemy somehow. I'm sorry for going on so long. It's just so much sexual abuse for so long really, unbelievably overwhelmed my whole being with shame and the only neutral or as a child seemingly nice attention that I ever got was sexual. At least they weren't screaming at me, beating me or completely ignoring me. And because my sister never got molested or raped or had men around constantly trying kiss her, or show their private parts to her. I've always felt that I was so deeply broken that even my soul was defective and worthless before I was even born... 💔

[Armee]

I'm sorry all those wicked people did wicked thing to you. A child never ever deserves or attracts that but monsters know who they can get away with attacking. That's not your fault that's the fault of the people who harmed you in the first place. It's not you, or who you are. 

[dollyvee]

Hi juliannmhall,

I'm sorry that you went through all that and that you are here and made it out the other side, and are doing the courageous work of processing what happened to you. It's not ok what happened and that your m wasn't there for you as she should have been. I hope you're able to find some space to process this.

Sending you support,
dolly