self-rescue mission (Trigger Warning)

[qibosome]

im here after a stress & substance abuse induced psychotic episode, trying to pick up the pieces. my life has been peppered with traumatic events like this, and so this feels like the millionth new lease life has given me. im determined to make something real and lasting out of it this time. that's a task i cant shoulder by myself (trust me i've tried), but i have almost nobody in my life who understands. or at least that's how i feel.

my childhood was extremely dysfunctional (physical, psychological, emotional abuse, neglect). as i approach my mid-twenties, i can see the damage trauma has done to me in the way my life has panned out. it's hard to contend with every single day, so i spend a lot of my time neck deep  in distraction. that's not working for me anymore, it doesn't drown out the voice that's telling me there's something greater in store for me. but i'm terrified of facing it all.

i feel i've lost something vital and precious through the years, i'm not sure exactly what that is or when i lost it. i know it's still with me somewhere, waiting to be recovered. im hoping i can chip away at all the depressing gunk that's built up in my brain by writing here.

[Papa Coco]

qibosome,

Welcome to the forum. This is a community with a lot of wonderful people who have walked our miles in each other's shoes and we understand and support each other. 

[Cascade]

Hi quibosome,
I'm new here, too.  Your outlook of having a new lease on life is uplifting to me.  Now in my early 50s, I was/am stuck in self-pity for having to pick myself up by the bootstraps yet again.  Thank you for helping me re-frame the future as a new lease on life.

[Kizzie]

Hi qibosome and welcome to OOTS.  We certainly understand overwhelming trauma and filling our lives with distractions here. Sadly it only works to a degree and then something stresses us past our limits and up pops the trauma, usually in spades.

There is a lot of support, understanding and resources here so I hope you find them helpful.  One sliver of good is that you are fairly young and getting help now rather than later in life can help you to have a better life.  Many of us here did not know it was CPTSD we were struggling with until much later in life and our CPTSD was fairly dug in. The earlier on you get into treatment the better.

[NarcKiddo]

Hello, and welcome. I have found great comfort and support here. Hope you do too.

[Little2Nothing]

Welcome gibosome!!!

[qibosome]

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone

[Kizzie]

  for you