New here (returning)

[Dante]

I was active on this site a few years ago, and then my activity tapered off.  In general, things have gotten a lot better since I was here last, but some recent triggers have made me realize that I still have a way to go.

Since I was here last, I have gone no contact with my FOO.  This happened last fall, and was a huge relief.  I hadn't realized just how much a weight even the infrequent interactions (or possibility of interaction) was.  FOO had a blow up in the fall, and I finally set a boundary and said do this or I won't have a relationship.  They told me it was all in my head, that I was too sensitive, and to get over it.  I told them I was over it.  Haven't spoken in about 6 months now.

I also have worked over the past few years to try to find peace with past relationships.  EF's kept me experiencing loss over and over again - even though the person is long since gone (and for the best).  I still have days where the past comes back, but fewer than I used to have and I have finally been able to gratefully say goodbye to those people and that part of my life.

I still struggle with a difficult relationship with my spouse - whom I'm also quite sure has C-PTSD but also has no ability or willingness (I'm not judging which) to deal with their trauma.  Blow ups and meltdowns are frequent and excessive, and hypervigilance to try to avoid the blow up keeps a sense of dread alive in me.  I have known for some time that I self medicate to deal with this, and with other "normal" pressures (work, finances, future, kids).  I didn't really realize how much self-medicating I was doing, and it's been increasing.

I decided it was time to come back to find some healing.  I probably should have never left.

It's good to be back.

[Papa Coco]

Dante

I'm very glad to see you back on the forum. You always had some amazingly interesting and thought-provoking posts. I've actually missed you while you were away.

WELCOME BACK!!!!

[NarcKiddo]

Hello Dante,

It sounds like you have made good progress. I can see why the self-medicating may have been increasing - progress is good but also hard.

Welcome back.

[Kizzie]

So nice to have you back albeit not for the best reasons I know.  Welcome back, good to hear from you!

[Bermuda]

Welcome back

[Dante]

Thank you all.   

[Blueberry]

Welcome back, Dante


Good to hear you've made progress. 

Whenever I think about leaving here for a while and concentrating on real life, I'm back within a few days. But it's different for different people. Anyway, I'm glad you've come back to do more healing since you feel that's right for you.