clothing/weather triggers

[tryingtokeepmoving]

Does this happen to anyone else? If so what do you do to help yourself through it?

If I wear a certain combination of long underwear and jeans or nylon pants I feel a disgusting feeling in my body, or like I'm floating. I can relate this back to trauma during camping trips. So I never wear that clothing combination anymore.

Wearing dirty clothes also triggers this for me, A disgusting feeling that incites me to clean everything or hide in my bed. It may just that I don't like feeling dirty, but I feel like it relates to the downward days when my mother was depressed and unable to wash clothes. When my mother was depressed my father had full reign of the house and everyone in it.

Certain weather also brings about that feeling, and this feeling like sadness along with it. I have a few memories of traumatic events during this type of weather/season that I assume is related.

Just today I had to go outside to mail a package and the weather affected me so much that I had to cancel my plans for later that day. I was torn between making myself go and letting myself hide. I chose to hide, I don't know if I made the right choice, I feel guilty for doing so, like my friend will hate me and won't believe my 'excuse' that I got triggered.

EMDR helped me with these issues in the past, but I believe I re-traumatized myself a few years ago with an overly long stay with my FOO.

[Saluki]

Yes. I wasn't allowed to choose my own clothes during some parts of my life. I was coerced into wearing clothes I hated.
I can't wear skirts or dresses. Or certain head coverings. I just can't. I was very much a tomboy as a kid and these days I only wear men's clothing. Wearing "female" designated clothing makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Like I'm going to be sick...like I'm going to float out of my body. I haven't had to do so for a very long time, but I still remember the horrible feelings it induced.

I was sexually abused when wearing dresses. I can't stand the feeling of air around my legs. I need the protection of trousers. Skirts and dresses make me feel incredibly vulnerable. I keep my hair short for the same reason. If it gets to any length I catch myself pulling really hard on it like I used to, to comfort myself, as a child, and when I was in an absolutely horrendous domestic abuse situation. As soon as I catch myself doing that, the clippers come out and I cut it very short.
Being able to choose my own clothing and haircut is one of the most wonderful, freeing things in the world.

I can't stand the winter either. I hibernate. I choose to hide a lot. And I beat myself up for it incessantly. I don't think there's a right or wrong about it. You protected yourself because you couldn't face it and I understand that. Feeling guilty won't change anything. Well, not in a good way! I guess feeling guilty about changing plans is partly our abusers' voices beating us up emotionally for them, and maybe partly it's our brain's way of trying to push us to do stuff that we know, logically, is actually probably safe to do, but due to trauma, feels like a threat. I have to really push myself to do things. I struggle so much with doing pretty much everything at the moment so I know what it's like.

I'm sorry I wish I knew a better coping mechanism for avoidance. I'm an expert on avoiding things. But not a clue how to fix it!

[tryingtokeepmoving]

Saluki, I relate to so much of what you wrote, thank you for sharing.
I was also forced to wear 'girly' clothing as a child and hated it as the dresses left me much more accessible for abuse. Presently, I also wear only men's clothing. I sometimes wear a skirt in my house if all my other clothes are dirty, but I always feel uncomfortable wearing them out of the house.

Thank you for sharing the hair trigger, I think that actually might be what's been going on with me. My hair has been getting longer, it hasn't been this long in a long time. Maybe it is reminding me of being younger.
I have also been having the urge to cut my hair short again. Maybe my subconscious has been more aware than me.

I guess feeling guilty about changing plans is partly our abusers' voices beating us up emotionally for them, and maybe partly it's our brain's way of trying to push us to do stuff that we know, logically, is actually probably safe to do, but due to trauma, feels like a threat. I have to really push myself to do things. I struggle so much with doing pretty much everything at the moment so I know what it's like.

I often get trapped in this loop of like trying to force myself to do something but then being like "isn't that what my abusers did to me?". And then I'm afraid of re-traumatizing myself. But I also find that hiding away can make me feel terrible also.
I'm sad to hear you're struggling to do things right now, if it's of any consolation I am struggling also.
At least we know we're not alone 

[NarcKiddo]

I've never thought about clothing as being triggering and it is not a really strong trigger for me but now that I read this thread I realise that clothing can be, for me.

Like the other posters, I was not allowed to wear what I wanted until I was 15. My mother chose clothes and shoes I hated. By the time I was 15 I knew the kind of clothing she thought young adult women should wear (had to have "sex appeal") and I was suitably enmeshed that I tried to make sure it was stuff she would like enough for me not to get utterly shamed.

She persists in buying items of clothing or jewellery for me as gifts even now, and nothing - not one thing bar a vest she once purchased - is anything I would willingly wear or buy for myself. It's like she wants a doll to dress (my sister feels the same thing about clothing purchased for her).

Recently I bought a really cute, fluffy bomber jacket. I happened to wear it on a visit to my mother. She said "Oh, I like your jacket. It has sex appeal." I have been very conflicted about that jacket ever since. I refuse to let her completely spoil it for me, and I wear it (though will never wear it in front of her again) but every time I take it out of the cupboard I remember the words "sex appeal" and utter some internal expletives before I wear it.

[tryingtokeepmoving]

I struggled also with my parents demands for clothing as a child, definitely treated like doll.
How or what I liked wearing was not the point, I have numerous memories of me struggling with straight up uncomfortable (and in my opinion, ugly) clothing while sitting in school. It was as though my internal experience was not worthy of being considered.
Thanks alot Mom!

I used to have her words running through my head whenever I was shopping for clothes or getting dressed, but thankfully I no longer really experience this.

I don't know if you experience this when you experience gifts from her, but when I get gifts from my mom, I often feel saddened by what she buys for me, it's often things I would never wear or buy or use, and it leaves feeling completely unseen as a person. Like why even bother, maybe she's still hoping I'll become the thing she always wanted me to be.

[Kizzie]

I don't know if you experience this when you experience gifts from her, but when I get gifts from my mom, I often feel saddened by what she buys for me, it's often things I would never wear or buy or use, and it leaves feeling completely unseen as a person. Like why even bother, maybe she's still hoping I'll become the thing she always wanted me to be.

My M was really into shopping and would often buy us things that were on sale, simply because they were on sale.  We had a box in the garage and we would just put them in there for charity. I too felt like it was not about me because they were not thoughtful things that my or my family would use, but because she wanted to attention from giving gifts, any gifts.

And because it was not about me or my family it hurt although I have to say later in life my H and I got some good laughs from what she had chosen. What finally stopped her from sending these gift boxes was appealing to her N side and saying we had all that we needed and we wanted her to spend her money on herself because she had worked hard throughout her life and deserved nice things. She loved that idea and while we would get pictures of things/clothes she bought for herself we didn't have to deal with odds and sods items and the feelings they brought up.

I think gifts, clothes we were told to wear, and all that we associate with being abused/neglected is going to set off feelings.

As far as weather goes, I am triggered by warm humid weather because it makes me sweat a lot (hyperhidrosis) and I just feel so sweaty and gross that I will only go places with A/C.  Fortunately the humidity here is quite low which is why we chose it. I know though that the feeling I get when humidity does get the better of me is related to the times when I felt gross and ugly around my family.