Hiya, new here

[Căpșună]

Hi all,

You can call me Căpșună. It's taken me many years to get where I am now, and yet as I've read other introductions, feelings of failing are common. I know I'm not, we're not.. but those feelings have been ingrained for so long. I spent years of my childhood thinking every day that that day would be my last, waiting for it. I remember only some of my childhood, much of it is repressed. As a young adult I got stuck with an abusive partner for a few years, until I was close enough to reach out to my dad and stepmother for help. Now I am doing ok, but the thoughts and feelings are so deep it's difficult to believe or trust in anyone. I've never had someone to lean on, or take care of me.. I have been hoping that therapy would be enough for me to keep pushing forward.. but I recently lost my shadow of 14.5 years. My dog was my rock, he was the only support system I've ever really had. Now it feels like I'm lost.. My nightmares have gotten worse.. They're a curse and a blessing, I get to see and hold him again... however it's in addition to my usual night terrors. Anywho, that's my story in a nutshell. It's ok, to not be ok.

Best,
Căpșună

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. I am sorry for your loss. Losing a dog is heartbreaking. I lost mine some years ago but we still talk about them every day and they are very much part of the family.

[Kizzie]

Hi and welcome to OOTS Căpșună.  Very sorry to hear about your dog.  We lost out lovely little Bichon Frise quite a while back but we still talk about him and it's such a loss that we decided not to get another dog. We just can't go through the loss again.

Anyway, big hug  and hope being here provides you some help and relief.

Kizzie

[RedRachel]

So sorry about the loss of your dog - our animal companions are so very important to us, the relationship lacks many of the complications that come with human relationships. I'm coming up to the one year anniversary of losing my lovely old ginger cat Sherman - I don't see him in dreams but every now and then my mind plays tricks and I think I see him out the corner of my eye or hear his distinctive meow.

The dark thoughts we have run very deep, as you say. Grieving what we didn't have - what we should have had - is necessary but it hurts nonetheless. As you say, it's okay to not be okay.

R