One word = new attitude

[woodsgnome]

Sometimes the saying "attitudinal healing" fits what's needed to describe what's going on within us when we allow ourselves to step past our own frustrations as we struggle further along the foggy path to wholeness.

I've noticed a shift in my extensive private journals (I don't journal here as so much material is too nuanced to fully explain). A difference in how I'm referring to some things on my Cptsd journey seems to put me in a better frame of thinking as I consider what's going on.

Being a bit of a word nerd, I started to slide in the word 'Discovery' in lieu of 'Recovery'. One reason is I'm troubled by the idea of 'recovery' -- as in finding something old that I'd like back, that sort of feeling.

Well, in my case, getting something back often rubs me the wrong way. I mean, I'd never want to recover what my abusive/traumatic past was like. Sometimes when I say 'recovery' I jump a bit, realizing I don't truly want that. I'm sure this might seem silly to some, but being that 'word nerd' I mentioned before, I'm always wondering about how else my thinking along these lines might allow a better feeling.

So in playing with words I've used, I noticed the word "Discovery" was taking over my private journals when my thought patterns might (reluctantly) come to mind about what happened/didn't/might have, etc.

Lots of times I've felt better on twisting the thought pattern from 'recovery' (I often don't want that) to 'discovery'. Maybe I discover that just by using the new word it opens me to consider all the ramifications of all that took place. How maybe what was/is obvious instances of abuse or trauma still resulted in my discovering a trait I like (resilience, trust, discernment, etc.), or how I might have learned something, even if it was hard to handle at the time. Changing it in the future (now) -- discovering a new twist -- allows me to roam over new territory that feels a tad better than recovering the old stuff again. It doesn't absolve or even forgive that old storyline, but it shifts my view to how I can be my best self NOW.

Just a thought -- a discovery, if you will.

However you refer to your steps, as recovery or discovery, I wish you well with what you find, and hope it can provide a fresh perspective on an old grief, or worse.

[NarcKiddo]

That's interesting. I, too, am a word nerd.

Your thoughts on "recovery" resonate with me. It got me to thinking that in the case of childhood trauma, and especially generational trauma, there is actually never a time when we were unaffected. So there is, literally, nothing to recover. Nothing good, at any rate.

Even the word "healing" has connotations of returning to a previous state. The word "growth" feels more positive to me, but even then one is still left with much of the same core.  The word "discovery" aligns with my current process of trying to find out who I actually am. "Metamorphosis" seems to fit, too.

[Kizzie]

I just had a conversation with someone about the whole idea of mindfulness which I find unnerving because my perception of it is dipping into that churning vortex of fear and pain and sadness. For me, mindfulness seems to touch off a whole mish mosh of whirling thoughts and feelings.

Anyway, the person I was chatting with has the same reaction.  I told her I use the word "awareness" now. That is, I notice and am aware that I have reactions/feelings/thoughts to certain things. Maybe it's just language and I'm actually being mindful but it feels different and it's softer, easier to acknowledge when I think of it as awareness.

Whatever works!

[woodsgnome]

Mindfulness seems to have turned into a cult word which I don't feel comfy about either. It often seems to be more of a marketing slogan than anything.

Personally, in my yen to find words I can live with, I refer to what most would identify with the trendy mindfulness tag and alter it to read as "heartfulness". Because in the heart is where I find things mean the most, both for my perception and how I exist in the world.

"Mindful" does seem a bit, well, scary -- as if one has filled their thinking capacity up with so much there's no room for, say, contemplation or thinking outside the box, so to speak.
Awareness refers to what's meant, I feel.

All language is doing is pointing. And all of us derive our language in different ways. Just my thoughts, translated via how my heart speaks. 

[woodsgnome]

Brief addendum to the above:

I recently read an author who suggested that the brain can be imagined as a favourite personal room. Okay -- but, like a room in one's house, perhaps it could stand a little remodel.

He suggests changing the colour scheme, removing and replacing the old 'bed of nails' (LOL) with a cozy lounge chair, and the two I like best:

Install a window with a colourful, live seasonal view (so the view isn't static year-in, year-out. Then, the one I like best of all -- the installation of a pressure-valve someplace on a wall.

The valve, a typical orifice device found on stoves, water heaters, all sorts of devices, can be adjusted by a simple twist of opening it and -- voila -- the pressure is released into the air.

Likewise, he suggests that the brain's imaginary redo be outfitted with such a release valve. If nothing else, the room's coziness is soon enhanced.

Just something I recalled at the mention of the role and function of mindfulness in these fragile brains we tend to.

[tryingtokeepmoving]

I wonder if the cptsd community is more exacting with our word choices because we have past experiences with gaslighting or with relations that do not behave in congruence with the connotations of their label, ex: father not behaving 'fatherly', guardian not guarding us, somebody telling us we are evil when we are not etc. So maybe we are interested in describing things as they actually are rather than calling them by the word they should be or what we are told they are. Or perhaps this hyper focus is an extension of hypervigilance? I say this because sometimes not having the correct word for what I'm feeling or what is happening causes me internal stress. I don't know, just an idea.

All language is doing is pointing. And all of us derive our language in different ways. Just my thoughts, translated via how my heart speaks. 

What a beautiful line woodsgnome, and also so true.

[Hope67]

Hi Woodgsnome,
I really like what you wrote, and I love the word 'Discovery' too.  It sounds apt.  I also really like the imagery ideas that you mentioned - I've noticed in my own thoughts that I think about 'Realisations' - like it was behind a screen or fogged from my view, and now I'm 'realising' things and putting fragments together to make some kind of sense.  Really seeing things more for what they are, rather than being skewed by how FOO taught me to be. 

Anyway, thank you for this thought provoking post, and for sharing your reflections.  I am really happy that you are roaming over new territory and that it feels a tad better, that is such great 'Discovery' in my opinion.

 

Hope   

[Papa Coco]

I just read this entire thread for the first time.

I've never thought of myself as a word-nerd, but I do believe, very surely, that we have a symbiotic relationship with our language. We choose words, then those words sort of guide us. My therapist says that precision in word choice is critical to healing from trauma. The more I explore the act of choosing the correct words, the more I understand and benefit from his point.

It all fits well with every post in the above thread. The words we use to define who we are, help steer us toward our end goals.

Woodsngome,  you are absolutely spot on. I had never considered before to ask myself why I would want to recover what I've spent my life struggling to overcome. Discovery is a great new word.

I call it symbiotic because I choose the words that I use to identify my reality, and my words play a role in defining my reality. It's a wonderful moment whenever I discover that I'm ready to swap out a word that meant something to me yesterday, but no longer fits who I am today. I change the word because I realize it is time to change it. And when I change it, I get a little octane boost in my momentum toward a brighter day.