The hidden shown through

str_grl · January 14, 2024, 12:24:39 AM

Hi again,
I recently remembered something that I haven't really thought about since I was a kid and don't really know what to make of it. I was about 8 to 12 years old and I was with some family friends and we had to drop something off at someone's house. No one was paying attention to me for about like 5 seconds or something and I took off running down the street. The family friends had done nothing to me but the idea of freedom from everything like pulled me away. But I'm also wondering if I just wanted attention. I'm not really sure what I wanted but that memory just sticks in my mind because it's not something I've ever heard about any of my friends or anyone else doing nor is it like I really ran away. I also did get caught and carried back to the car. I don't know if anyone else has thoughts on this but feel free to share if you do.
Str_grl

Kizzie · January 14, 2024, 12:56:21 AM

I can't remember ever taking off but maybe I should have. It might have alerted someone to the fact I was not in a good place. It sounds like you took flight in a moment of pure impulse, headed toward lovely freedom and maybe part of that was hoping to alert someone.

str_grl · January 14, 2024, 03:10:22 AM

Kizzie,
I think you are right, I wanted someone to notice. Sometimes, I wish it had worked and people had noticed.

ThisisTiffany · January 14, 2024, 06:05:47 AM

I used to collect maps because my mother worked in hospitality and there were always road maps in motels for travellers. I would live in vacant rooms while she worked and map ways to go back to my friends in NY from FL by foot with half baked schemes that I only day dreamed about. It wasn't until years later when waking from my daydreams that I realized they all grew up and moved on without me, forgetting about me, wheras they were my only experience of authentic kindness. I feel like kids in our predicaments are just trying to find a place that feels like something better than home, even if we've never experienced it.

Crash45412 · January 18, 2024, 05:37:40 PM

Hi, I did something kind of along these lines. Due to the types of abuse I faced, I wasn't aware it was abuse until I was a lot older, or even understand that I was unhappy as a child. When I was about 9, I messaged on the children's social services website for my country, making up loads of lies about physically abusive situations I was supposedly being put in, to the extent that we had a surprise home visit. My house appeared very normal to outsiders so we never had any follow-ups, but it makes me wonder what prompted me to do that. It was completely out of character for me, as I was a very shy and well-behaved kid.

woodsgnome · January 21, 2024, 01:35:06 AM

I attended a rotten, pretend-religious sort of school, where the hypocrisy ground me into a zombie-like feeling leading to ... get me outta here.

Then, one day, going into the school from the 9-mile bus trip to get there, I walked in, and totally unconsciously, went to set my books and winter clothes in place, and ... with no forethought, no hidden or inner voices, just turned around and walked the entire 9 miles home.

The parents didn't care (they'd already written me off, the school did no search or inform police, none of that. I returned to the school the next day, but felt so much freer for that walk in freedom.

In retrospect, that walk signifies my true separation, at least in my heart, from a place which was harmful to the 'soul' they said they were saving from ... something

I guess it was them from whom I needed the separation, and that absent-minded walk was the start of the separation/freedom trip that continues ...

Kizzie · January 21, 2024, 07:30:12 PM

Sometimes our inner/real self just takes over and gives us a taste of what we truly want deep down. I remember once my NB asked what I wanted most and without hesitation I simply said "freedom."

tryingtokeepmoving · January 24, 2024, 09:39:40 PM

Quote from: str_grl on January 14, 2024, 12:24:39 AMNo one was paying attention to me for about like 5 seconds or something and I took off running down the street. The family friends had done nothing to me but the idea of freedom from everything like pulled me away

str_grl, I have a similar memory, I was on a family vacation in a new city, and my family wasn't paying attention to me, I was overcome with the idea of getting away from them, and was energized by the idea that I could, that we weren't all literally connected. I ran into the crowd as fast as I could. Unfortunately they caught up with me. But it was nice to know the option existed.

Probably these moments of realization were important for us to try to separate, giving us at least a taste of the possible freedom we could have, if/when we got away.

GoSlash27 · April 14, 2024, 11:39:37 AM

str_grl,

Good morning. I've recently had random memories pop up that I don't recall ever having remembered before. The most vivid was the memory of the day I met my foster parents in the children's shelter and they asked me if I wanted to go home with them. I would've been 2 years old at the time.
I suddenly remember it with vivid clarity, though I never had before.

I don't ascribe any special meaning to this particular memory. My entire memory of my childhood is a garbled mess full of holes. I think that memory popped up simply because I've been trying so hard to make sense of a later period in my childhood.

At least in my case, memories have reestablished themselves that carry no meaning at all as far as I can tell.

Just a thought,
-Slashy

Gromit · April 14, 2024, 06:38:49 PM

I put notes under the front door? Or something, anyway notes and the milkman asked my mother about them and I had to stand there between them. I think the notes were just, 'hello', I do not remember but I remember the shame of being found out and being the centre of attention as if I had done something wrong.

I hadn't thought about that for years.

Gromit