Maladaptive daydreaming?

[Saluki]

Since I was a little kid I have had a coping mechanism that involves making up characters and a world(s)and "talking" them. I think it's normal for kids to do more often maybe with a friend or sibling but I did it mostly on my own. It was how I kept myself company especially when I couldn't sleep (which was/is still normal).
If I couldn't do the voices out loud, for example, I was in a lesson at school, I would "stare into space" as the teachers used to shout at me and write in school reports.
Thing is, I still do it. I talk the voices out.
They're often voices of an overbearing older female bossing her exhausted husband about and prohibiting him from doing anything he enjoys (a common childhood experience). The women in my family were outrageously controlling, esp. my mother and her aunty (my grandma's sister). My mother was very controlling and hyper critical of her mother, me, my dad.
I don't understand why I disappear into this quite hideous inner world, or more, why I enjoy it so much!
It's like I'm creating my own radio show.
Then I read about "maladaptive daydreaming" and wondered if this is what it is?
Is it a CPTSD thing?
Anyone else have such an odd coping mechanism?

[Saluki]

Here's an example: (I do different voices/accents for the characters)

"Henry, you're wearing that ridiculous hat again. Take it off and put on something sensible. What about that nice woolly one I bought you from the jumble sale?"
"Frieda, I'm comfortable in this hat. It's nice and warm."
"You will take it off now, Henry. You let everything I buy you go to waste. I don't know why I bother: I really don't. Come on, hand it over. You look like one of those criminals you see on crimewatch. I don't like it, I really don't. You're an embarrassment is what you are, Henry. An absolute embarrassment."
"I'm going out now love. Do you want me to fetch anything from the shops?"
"You will not be going out in that stupid hat. Give it here and stop changing the subject."
"Eh, get off me. I told you it's comfortable."
"What is it supposed to be, anyway? Something to keep your brains from falling out?"

You get the idea!

I don't know what to make of it, why I do it, or if it's good or bad or neither.

It's not like I'm writing it down... maybe I should?!

[Kizzie]

Do the bossey characters win or does whomever they are prattling away at push back and keep on doing what they're doing? If the latter is the case I'd take a guess and suggest that it's you controlling the controllers? I remember imagining winning in my daydreaming too.

[Saluki]

It usually just goes on and on and round and round in circles! The beaten down characters don't give up though...

[Kizzie]

I guess the other thing I wonder is if you were like so many of us not allowed to speak up, assert your boundaries?  If so then this may be the place you are beginning to do so, to practice?

Again, just noodling.

[Saluki]

Exactly that: I wasn't allowed to be myself. I was punished for being me. Wasn't allowed to do anything my mother (then later my abusive ex) didn't decide I could/should do. My boundaries were completely trampled over. I was also scapegoated/shunned by my mother and her family.

Ugh.

It's weird that I enjoy doing the voices. Not that I'm upset that I enjoy it: it's just weird is all. I get completely involved in the drama of it, to the point where I can see what the characters look like in my mind.

I was an only child too. I had imaginary friends who I could actually see when I was little. They disappeared when I got bigger. I missed them.

[Saluki]

Forced to do things I didn't want to from an early age (CSA)(person groomed my parents in order to abuse me. Went on for years). My ex forced me to do things I didn't want to do too. Coercive control/SA. DV.

I don't understand why years later I'm still stuck dissociating, flashbacks, insomnia, exhaustion. Why I still go off into a childish fantasy land in my head with these characters.

I don't suppose it's a bad thing.

[Armee]

Hey. With a background so difficult this is very normal to go into your head, to dissociate, to have a vibrant inner world. You're doing amazing just by being here.

[Saluki]

Thanks Armee! I like that: "vibrant inner world". I will try to remember that 🙂

[Armee]

 

Also that ALL of it is designed to help you survive

[Saluki]

Thank you Armee