Newb...

[mntnceguy]

Hi, I'm new here, kinda stumbled on this forum while searching for related info. I'm a male, 44 yr old childhood abuse victim, physical, mental, and emotional. My experiences turned me into a hyper-empath, which in itself has been a challenge in this world. I live with the sayings, that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and what you put out comes back to you. Thanks to at least a few good people coming into my life over the years, I survive. I am thankful, regardless, for the experiences and opportunity to learn, and continue to work towards a day when my heart will pulse with something other than this type of bittersweet thankfulness...

[Kizzie]

Welcome MGuy, glad you did stumble onto OOTF     

Bittersweet thankfulness is an interesting description of how you feel.  It reminds me me of something Pete Walker said in his book about CPTSD; that is, this disorder does have silver linings.  It took me a long time to see that but these days I do see that I am a better person for all that I have gone through - compassionate, loving, kind.   At the same time I would like to live life with more joy and inner peace than I have. 

Is this what you were getting at perhaps or have I misunderstood what you meant?

[mntnceguy]

Thx for the Welcome...

I think you got it, the bittersweet thankfulness thing...To me it means finding the Ying/Yang in everything, and finding enough balance in yourself, with work and training, to choose to see the positive in any situation. Some situations are easier than others, but to realize that the universe reacts for you, not to you, gives you both a certain power, and a certain powerlessness. After all the years of searching, and all the steps it has taken me to be able to perceive and understand what he's saying, the writings of Eckhart Tolle have been helping me to shift my perception a great deal lately, kind of like when everything starts to come together at the end of a project.

For the others out there, always know that if you keep trying, and find value in every step, whether forward or backward, you will get to where your going...

[Rrecovery]

Hi mntnceguy and Welcome    I hear how much you have suffered and my heart goes out to you.  Tolle is also a hero of mine.  Seems like many great truths are paradoxes: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, the bittersweet thankfulness that I believe many of us feel, there "is no real self" and yet here we are with a self that very much needs love, attention, nurturing and healing.  A self that survived horrendous abuse and yet perseveres, overcomes, loves and contributes.

"the universe reacts for you, not to you, gives you both a certain power, and a certain powerlessness"  This is one of the most challenging paradoxes is it not?  Our beliefs, thoughts and feelings create our reality, yet so many of "our" beliefs, feelings and thoughts have been imposed on us by disturbed, unwise people.  So we keep manifesting what was put on us until we can somehow change those beliefs, thoughts and feelings.  So difficult!    Yet we are powerful co-creators, whether we like it or not.  I think knowing all this is a blessing that can help, but also a burden when we find ourselves in a bad place, knowing that we are now manifesting from that state.

You'll find many of us "hyper-empathetic" another paradox?  So glad you found us and look forward to getting to know you better