More contact from M

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi all
It's been quite sometime since I've been here.
I do hope u are doing ok
I'm grateful your here!

So, I'm NC with my m unless she sends a card in the post etc.
She gets my addresses from my grandma s book, I assume.
I received a package just before my 50th 2 wks ago.. Contained lots of photos of family ansestory on the maternal side. I don't feel much connection with them.

This Saturday just gone I received another package this time it has had / having a big impact.
Copies of photos of my baby book, baby photos, infant. Copious amounts of pics of cards I sent to ' mummy ' when younger.
Photos of my dad and his mum when young . And then more of me through different ages up to young adult.

It's had a big effect on me which has come as a surprise. I'm pretty healed but clearly there's always room for a bit more.

I have mixed feelings. I'm glad to get some of the pics, some not and I feel intruded on that she has got my new address.
She sent a note ' you probabely don't want these but I was sorting through and sent them.
Which equates to ' I'll do what I want because I want a relationship with u so I can eat you alive   .

I shall give myself time to decide if I write to her and say I do not want her to have my address or send me anything.
Or if I resume to ok let her send the odd card ignore.
The later is probably the easiest.

She wrote on the back of some of the pics. One when I was a baby said ' you look well looked after ' .
A dig at ' see I was a good mother ' .

Also all the cards seem to be to give the message of ' you did love me ' .
Yes I did until it was all poisoned and killed off.

Ho hum...

I need to keep remembering she is not at all of sound mind and so not to enter or get tangled in any of it.

I've just been through all the pics. I threw a lot away and kept those I feel I want to...

She's 70 now maybe she feels  last chance saloon is here.

I feel so grateful for the last 7 yrs of various therapies and now am in ACA.
Really connected to my inner family and my loving parent.

One day this will all be over and she will be passed on....

Freedom now is a great thing x

[Armee]

 

The comment on the back of the photo tells you all you need to know about her mental state regarding her intentions in sending these. I'm sorry this unwanted contact has come into your life. There are other ways she could have gotten those photos to you as well. Maybe you can make copies of the photos you want and then send it back return to sender not at this address. 

[Bermuda]

I definitely agree with Armee on this one. You already know, and your mother already feels the need to be defensive. She knows too.

I can't imagine what this must feel like for you. I only know how I would feel, and the thought makes my skin crawl.

Do you feel your boundaries are respected? If not, than you are still not being well looked after.

You are worthy of respect,

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thanks both
It's been quite a few days, processing  the emotion and thinking.
Big
I went through the pics saved the ones that I felt to in my heart and binned the rest.
Last nite I wrote a concise to the point letter ... Basically I didn't permit my new address to be passed on and that no new post is to arrive. If it does it will be straight in the bin.... I commit to myself this.
I addressed it to her name rather than m.

Today I got in touch with the realisation that this is the final letting go. I realize I've been holding on by threads ' fantasizing for a future time.
No
My inner little girl has been upset we've been comforting her.

It's over... No more..
I value the self worth and self love I've grown too much....

I'm 50 now it's time.

I'm not wrong I'm right
I'm not weak I'm strong
I'm not strong I'm weak
I deserve gentle ness

Keep clear in the knowing
Don't let any threads seep in

Bpd is a serious mental disorder
Dangerous
Destroying

But you've survived my girl all the older selves have carried you through each stage of the way.

We're here now on safe ground, growing and healing..
Keep in the sane
Keep in the light