Forging New Paths

[NarcKiddo]

Oh, no. I hope the physio can ease things for you. 

[sanmagic7]

blueberry, i hope you get some relief thru your physio.

by the by, paperwork for me is also a chore, sometimes nearly impossible, always nerve-wracking.  well done on finding a paper you misplaced.  it counts.  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

Oh, sorry to hear about your back. I've experienced back pain and I know how debilitating and painful it can be. I hope you feel better soon.

[Blueberry]

Thanks everybody   It has certainly been getting better. Can get about without crutches now. Pain is far less.

Joint pain can be menopausal, that could explain knees and hips and shoulders, not sure about back though. otoh there's that armouring which also explains a lot. Lots of supreme stiffness and very hardened muscles in gluteus maximumus. As I've written before, English word is triggering, Latin is not triggering.

Downward mood swing can also be menopausal, time I got an appointment at gynaecologist's to sort out what might be in addition to cptsd.

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
  I haven't caught up with your journals yet, but can see you're experiencing pain (although glad it is less than before) - sending you a gentle hug and I hope to read your journals properly later, and catch up on what has been happening.

Just wanted to pop by and say 'hi' for now.
Hope 

[Blueberry]

Downward mood swing can also be menopausal, time I got an appointment at gynaecologist's to sort out what might be in addition to cptsd.

Apparently I haven't been to my gynaecologist's for over 10 years... I'm no longer in their computer system, they're full, I have to look for a new gyn. Phoned one place and was put on hold for a while, then the recording "try later", the other place gave the same recording right away and then that was the end of my wherewithal. I've come onto OOTS to re-regulate by writing since I realise that here is my go-to tool for getting out of dysregulation. I know I've been putting off going for my cancer check-ups for "a while" but hadn't realised it's been longer than 10 years.

So it's probably going to take a bit longer to figure out whether my exhaustion and all that could be menopausal! In fact, my old GP who is more or less retired but not quite might have more idea because he has a very global way of looking at symptoms and he has known me for a long time. Not that I don't need to find a new gyn. doctor for cancer-screening. I do.

I have a couple of little creative projects planned for today and what better way to get me re-regulated than at least starting one or the other??

[NarcKiddo]

Oh, Blueberry. How irksome.

I hope you feel up to starting one of your planned projects and then feel the benefit from it. But if you don't - you don't. One good aspect of creative projects, I find, is that they sit waiting for you, quite contentedly, until you are ready for them.

I was glad to read from an earlier message that the pain is improving and you can now get about without crutches. I am no stranger to hardened muscles and armouring. As you say, that explains a lot, and so much made sense when I came across the term. I went to see an osteopath years ago and he commented that my back was like concrete. Which it is, and remains so despite my seeing a massage therapist once a month. I think she does help keep it under some control but the sessions are not particularly pleasant.

 

[Blueberry]

Thanks NK  

No creativity so far except the flower-arranging I mentioned on 3 Good Things, but I have had the wherewithal for a few others things including listening to 1 1/2 sessions on the Trauma Conference and then listening to and doing half of a meditation on the Conference. I yawned almost non-stop till tears poured down my face. That's not sadness, it's something being released and it's good-but-exhausting which is why I allowed myself to stop after 10 minutes.

I'm also reminding myself there are 2 creativity projects happening this evening anyway and I need to keep up my stamina to manage them. Once is the final rehearsal for a little spot of acting I and about 9 other people are putting on this coming Saturday. Grand total of about 5 minutes acting, but still, I want to make the most of it! Our little show is to be the first in the rehearsal - how nice, because then I can head off to choir practice! Music, singing - they're part of creativity, even if I don't do any creative singing or really express myself. But still much different from all this head-activity - think, think, think, ruminate - I go in for. And at least my body gets involved in an aware way. 

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
I enjoyed reading about your creativity projects.  I hope your rehearsal goes well and that the acting will go well on Saturday.  Exciting!  I hope you enjoy your singing too.
Hope 

[Blueberry]

Thanks Hope     It all went well and was really enjoyable last night! Except the creativity projects are still in the conception phase

_____

My computer is making problems atm so I might not be on the forum much in the next few days. It's usually OK for about 5-10 minutes and then there are some terrible noises   So I shut it down.

[NarcKiddo]

I hate when computers do that!

 

[Blueberry]

Hey presto   Today it's fine. Obviously it was preventing me from trying to watch any Trauma Conference sessions yesterday, knowing that was too much for me. When I don't listen to my body, the computer takes over apparently

[Hope67]

 

[Blueberry]

I'm going to be off the forum for a little while. An elderly friend has just died and I note that doing anything on the computer other than informing others is just an escape from feeling grief.

[Armee]

 

I'm so sorry for your loss Blueberry.