Forging New Paths

[Moondance]

 :heythere:Blueberry,

I can so relate to your postings. I too struggle with getting things done.  I'm just too depressed and tired to do much.

I admire your progress and your efforts especially after your move, new place and everything else going on.    It's good to celebrate getting stuff done.

I really understand and relate to not l feeling able to respond.  As you say it will come back some time.  We each can only do what we can do. 

Please know that you are valued and accepted just as you are today. 

to you Blueberry 

[Blueberry]

Thank you so much for your validation and kind words, Moondance

I went to evening church service, where our choir director plays the organ but there isn't usually a choir service. There wasn't this evening either, but there was a rehearsal afterwards for a service on Sunday morning, which I didn't find out about till I was there. I'm glad I went because both the normal church service and the rehearsal did me good, since singing God's words does me good. (But I don't always do what does me good - tend to get stuck exhausted at home e.g. instead). Now I have a particular hymn running through my head      Now I have more impetus to set up my keyboard and start using it again! I do know most of the hymns we're singing, but there are a couple I don't. I was still impressed at how I managed to sing along anyway. 

This morning I did a good amount of cleaning by my standards   and some other housework too eg. laundry into the garden to dry, and some tidying. I also put away some stuff from my move. And then I even had a shower and washed my hair. I noted how much I was putting it off, always finding something else to do. We worked on it in the last psychotherapy appt and I knew to go through with it and point out to an Inner Ch. how things are different now - different from baths/showers in my childhood and in previous apts. I'm not sure in the end how much I pointed out so that might be a task for next time, in fact probably.

I had one student to teach in the afternoon and by the time it was close to her time, I felt briefly too exhausted to even prepare. But that was gone soon and I prepared fast and taught well

[Moondance]

Cheering with you and for you

[Blueberry]

Thank you Moondance

New paths: Since I moved my eating habits have been shakey: no proper meals, lots of sweet stuff or just bread and cheese. Things that used to be staples no longer are. Haven't cooked any vegetables for weeks, not even before my move. What I have been doing now for maybe a week is buy little punnets of tomatoes and fruit and am eating these. It's certainly not the season for tomatoes round here, but I'm really lowering the bar for myself. It's more important to use whatever methods to get me eating veg again than worry about ecological footprint etc. This is a new path. Possibly temporary.

[Armee]

 

Way to find a way to eat some produce and get that inner critic out of the way for now.

[Blueberry]

I have a number of emails to write, mostly to FOO, but a few others which are proving difficult too.
I generally had a good day today. It's nice to have a good day sometimes and not throw a spanner in the works by then going and writing difficult emails. Idk whether I'll feel like it tomorrow either. Probably not.

[rainydiary]

I hope the words for the emails come when they are ready to.

[Blueberry]

Thank you rainy, that's a good wish. 

[Bermuda]

Blueberry, I don't know if this is a helpful thing to say, but just doing what you feel capable of is doing a good job. You are doing a good job. Doing things the way you need to right now is not a set back or a detour. Sometimes when we slow down, and as you said lower the bar, it's the right thing. Sometimes we tie our self-worth to our productivity, and it's unfair. We are worth it.

[Blueberry]

Thank you Bermuda, that is helpful.

I want to write these emails, but for the non-FOO ones it's maybe too early or just not urgent. And merely considering writing the FOO ones is on the verge of retraumatising. So I don't write them. Zoned out most of the day. And ate. And stuff like that. 

But I also collected the freight bike and moved the rest of my plants to the new garden, had a long chat with 2 separate people and enjoyed looking at flowers as well as cycling past a little river and watching ducks waddling around.

[Blueberry]

Some good things today:
I allowed myself to get the bus to my appt instead of forcing myself to cycle in the pouring rain when I felt too exhausted to cycle anyway

I watched one of the films I borrowed from the library when my young visitor was here. I got a selection and we didn't watch all of them. So today I watched one about dolphins that was based on a true story.

___________________
These things are not so healthy:
Bad eating habits today, led to stomach ache and couldn't-be-bothered going to choir practice, so didn't.

[rainydiary]

BB, I'm glad the bus worked out and you honored your body.  I often eat to the point of stomachache and hope that feels better soon.

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
I've not been around so much lately, but I have read things now and again here, and wanted to say that I hope you're settling into your new home.  I'm sorry to hear about your stomach ache and hope you feel better soon.
Sending you a hug, 
Hope 

[Blueberry]

Thank you both rainy and Hope. It feels nice to get compassion on having stomachache knowing that some other people might say it was my own fault. It's better now, it was better yesterday too.  to both of you, Hope and rainy.

I bought myself some fruit and vegetables yesterday. Plus some not-so-healthy stuff. At least I've been eating my carrots. Last time I bought carrots, I didn't eat them. They reminded me too much of feeding veg to my furbabies.

Today I have quite a lot to do. I had a doc appt and did go, I was even punctual. For the past couple of days, I just want to lie in bed and read and I do quite a bit of that and then fall asleep.

[Not Alone]

I'm glad that your visit with your godson went well.